


My Everything Changes Because of You

by BinaWrites



Series: Learning to Love You [1]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Also lube as lube, Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Past Im Jaebum | JB/Park Jinyoung, Professor Jackson Wang, Professor Park Jinyoung (GOT7), Slow Burn, Smut, Spit As Lube, bg markgyeom, markjin besties, non-con kiss in chapter 8
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 09:54:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 33,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28847130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BinaWrites/pseuds/BinaWrites
Summary: Antisocial social psych professor Park Jinyoung gets his world turned upside-down when his best friend and boss, Mark Tuan, announces he's leaving the country. To make matters worse, his replacement is none other than Jackson Wang, the peppiest (and most annoying) person Jinyoung has ever met. Jinyoung hates him immediately.
Relationships: Park Jinyoung & Jackson Wang, Park Jinyoung & Mark Tuan, Park Jinyoung/Jackson Wang
Series: Learning to Love You [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2159970
Comments: 163
Kudos: 165





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I got the idea for this fic when I watched the Thursday performance on Music Bank for the thousandth time and couldn't get the idea of Jinyoung as a professor out of my head. I searched (not very hard) for a fic and couldn't find one (seriously I didn't search hard at all) so I just decided to write one! Six versions and a million revisions later, here we are, my first fic. I hope you like it! If you don't, please don't tell me.
> 
> A few things:  
> 1\. Feel free to assume that pretty much everyone is wearing glasses throughout this fic because apparently I have a glasses kink  
> 2\. I apologize for my totally inconsistent use of honorifics, just try not to think too much about it  
> 3\. Title is a line from Breath but I don't speak Korean so I'm relying on online translations--again, try not to think too much about it  
> 4\. This fic is completed already so I will be posting every few days until it's all up!
> 
> Beta'd by my soulmates Dedica and Jingyischikwing. I'm sorry to you both.

“What do you mean, you’re leaving?”

Mark gave him a soft smile. “I’m sorry, Jinyoungie, but Chief of Surgery is a huge opportunity for Yugyeom. I can’t ask him to give that up just so we can stay in Korea.”

“Well, you certainly _can_ …” Jinyoung responded.

Mark gave him a look. Of course Jinyoung would never expect Mark not to move to Shanghai with his husband for this new promotion, but it still hurt to hear him talk about leaving. Jinyoung sighed, “What am I supposed to do without you?”

Mark had been Jinyoung’s mentor for years during his master’s degree and PhD, and Jinyoung had been his teaching assistant for a lot of classes. Before Jinyoung even graduated, Mark had offered him a position in his department. It had been two years now since Jinyoung started teaching full-time and their relationship had moved from mentor-mentee to great friends.

“You have to make new friends,” Mark insisted. “It’s about time you try. You’ve been latched onto me since grad school and, honestly, it’s pretty sad. You’re a social psych professor with absolutely zero social life. Go out and see the world, meet new people, start dating again!” Mark seemed excited at the prospect, but Jinyoung didn’t share his enthusiasm.

“Making new friends is bad enough, but you want me to start dating again too?” Jinyoung was appalled at the thought.

“It’s been almost three _years_ since Jaebeom left,” Mark said, not hiding his disapproval. “Yeah, I think you should start dating again.”

“I don’t know, hyung,” Jinyoung murmured, looking down at his hands. The mention of Jaebeom stung his tender heart. He sighed, cursing himself that his ex-boyfriend still had power over him after so long. “It’s just not the right time.”

Mark nodded, having heard this several times before. He always knew when to back off and Jinyoung was grateful for it. Jinyoung was a private person to begin with, and although he felt comfortable enough to talk to Mark about most things, some topics were too much for him. To steer their conversation back to the one at hand, Jinyoung asked, “So who is Namjoon getting to replace you?”

“Well, that’s the other thing,” Mark said as took off his glasses to clean them. “As the Dean, he can pretty much pick whoever he wants, and he’s told me that he has someone all lined up and ready to go, but I wanted to talk to you first.” Mark looked at him expectantly.

“Why?”

His friend smiled and shook his head. “God, you’re so clueless. I want you to replace me, Jinyoung-ah.”

Jinyoung was going to have to pick his jaw up off the floor. “ _What?_ ”

Mark ignored him and continued, “You get along with the other professors—”

“No, I don’t.”

“—you would be a great leader—”

“No, I wouldn’t.”

“—and you have the best teaching evaluations out of anyone.”

“No—” Jinyoung wanted to refute that point, too, but he had to admit he couldn’t. It was true, Jinyoung’s teaching evaluations were always the highest. He was strict with his rules and a total hard ass, but he was passionate about psychology and it showed in his lectures. Students always said they learned most in his classes and found his lectures most enjoyable to listen to.

Jinyoung sighed and removed his glasses to rub the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. “Okay fine, you’re right about that. But the rest is just untrue, and even if it were, you know I don’t like change. I’m happy teaching and I like my students. If I was department head, I’d have to cut down on my classes and do way more administrative work.” He made a face at the thought.

Mark’s expression wasn’t disappointed or surprised, it was clear he knew this would be Jinyoung’s response. The fact that he’d tried anyway tugged at Jinyoung’s heartstrings. He really would miss his best friend.

“I get it, I really do,” Mark said. “I respect your decision not to want to be department head, I know how much you enjoy teaching.” Jinyoung nodded, grateful Mark understood his reasoning.

Then Mark met his gaze, his voice serious but with a hint of anticipation. “But, Jinyoung, I’ve met Namjoon’s candidate—trust me, you’re going to have to get used to the idea of change.”

* * *

_From: Kim Namjoon_

_To: fss-dept-psych_

_My dearest staff,_

_Welcome back to the start of the new school year! I hope you all had an enjoyable summer break. Today I am eager to share with you some exciting changes to the department for this year._

_First, it is with great sadness that I announce the departure of our cherished Head of Psychology, Dr. Mark Tuan. Dr. Tuan has served the Faculty of Social Sciences well over the past ten years, seven of which as department head. He has been a fantastic leader and professor, and he will be greatly missed. However, he is on to new and more exciting things, so please join me in wishing him the best of luck in his new position at Fudan University in Shanghai. Congratulations, Dr. Tuan!_

_Second, I am pleased to announce that Dr. Tuan’s replacement will be none other than world-renowned neuropsychologist, Dr. Jackson Wang! Dr. Wang comes to us after years of both teaching and research across the globe—he has been affiliated with universities in the United States, Australia, China, and most recently at Seoul National University. I personally believe that Dr. Wang will bring a fresh perspective to the department and some welcome changes. We are very excited for him to join the faculty, so let’s all give him a warm Korea University welcome!_

_I will be hosting a dinner in honour of Dr. Tuan and Dr. Wang this Friday evening at 6pm at my residence. Food and drinks will be provided. Professors, TAs, and graduate students are all welcome. See you then!_

_Best,_

_Dean Kim_

Jinyoung sat at his desk in his office as he read Dean Kim’s email. He smiled at the kind words Namjoon said about his friend and was glad that he wasn’t the only person who realized how lucky the faculty had been to have Mark.

When he got to the part about the new department head—this _Dr._ _Jackson Wang_ guy—Jinyoung felt a little wary. And what did Namjoon mean when he said that Jackson would bring “some welcome changes” to the department, anyway? There was nothing wrong with the department as is. _Hmph._

A chime from his laptop went off, signalling it was 12:00pm. Jinyoung got up to open his office door to start his office hours, which was really the only time he ever opened his door—and only after Mark had insisted that students would be too intimidated to knock on a closed door even when they were expected. No students were waiting at the moment, so he sat back down at his desk.

Another email came in and Jinyoung clicked on it.

_From: Mark Tuan_

_To: fss-dept-psych_

_Thank you for the kind words, Dean Kim. You have been a great friend and mentor during my time here. I am sad to be leaving after so many wonderful years, but I am excited for this new opportunity. Thank you to all my staff, you made working at Korea University some of the best years of my life. I appreciate you all and will miss you very much._

_Welcome, Dr. Wang! I look forward to seeing how the department grows under your enthusiastic leadership. I think we could all stand to have the proverbial boat rocked a little._

_Warmest regards,_

_Mark Tuan_

Jinyoung couldn’t help but feel like that last line was aimed at him and he felt a little attacked. Mark was really insistent on this whole _change_ thing. Jinyoung rolled his eyes and took a sip of his tea as his email notification sounded again.

_From: Jackson Wang_

_To: fss-dept-psych_

_Hey everyone!_

_Thanks, Namjoon and Mark, for the warm welcome!_

_Nice to e-meet you all! I’m super excited to get to meet you in person on Friday at Namjoon’s—it’s going to be a blast and I hope you can all make it. I can’t wait to get started officially on Monday as your new department head, I think it’ll be a great fit._

_See you all on Friday!!! :)))_

_Jackson_

It was an effort for Jinyoung not to spit out his tea after reading that first line, but he forced the liquid down. The burn he felt as he swallowed had nothing to do with the temperature of the tea and everything to do with the words he read and the man who’d typed them. By the end of the message, all Jinyoung wanted to do was slam his laptop shut and never open his emails again. The lack of professionalism, the enthusiasm—not to mention all the exclamation points the man used and that god awful happy face he signed off with—the excitement was basically seeping out of screen. It was disgusting.

“…and I think that’ll be good for the department,” a voice said, coming into earshot as its owner walked down the hallway toward Jinyoung’s office. “Talking to him was such a pleasure, he really makes you feel heard and like he actually cares. And he seems so genuinely happy all the time.”

That was Dr. Choi Youngjae’s voice. Jinyoung could only guess who he was talking about. He looked up to see Dr. Choi with two of his graduate students, Jisoo and Lisa, stop outside of Dr. Choi’s office down the hall.

“He really does,” Jisoo responded excitedly. “I’m so excited to work with Dr. Wang, his research on the neuroscience of anxiety is so interesting!”

Jinyoung rolled his eyes. This was exactly what he was afraid of. He hadn’t even met Dr. Wang yet and the man was already insufferable.

“And not to mention,” Lisa added, giggling a little, “he’s incredibly handsome.”

Jinyoung snorted in disagreement.

Three heads immediately turned in his direction, clearly just noticing his presence. Jinyoung quickly began coughing, hoping to cover up the involuntary noise. The three of them turned back to one another, giggling and continuing to gush about Dr. Wang— _ugh_ —while Jinyoung kept coughing until he felt his fake fit had believably run its course.

He turned back to his emails and promptly deleted Dr. Wang’s email before that stupid happy face haunted his dreams.

He hated the man already.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp that's chapter 1! I know it's a short one but there will be longer chapters later I promise ;)
> 
> Feel free to leave comments and tell me what you think! And if you wanna be friends you can find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/huahuaspassword)


	2. Chapter 2

Jinyoung did not want to go to this party.

It was bad enough that it was a party—Namjoon may have called it a dinner, but Jinyoung had been dragged to enough of Namjoon’s “dinners” to know that once the alcohol started flowing, all sense of propriety went out the window—but the fact that this party was partially in honour of a man he was loath to meet made it that much more unbearable. He’d considered staying home but remembered that this party was for Mark as well. If only Jinyoung didn’t love that asshole so much, he could’ve avoided this entire evening. _And this is why friends are overrated_ , Jinyoung thought.

Jinyoung sighed as he pulled up to Namjoon’s house. Being the Dean of the faculty, Namjoon lived in a wealthy area and had a beautiful home. The grandiose white marble house and Aston Martins in the driveway made Jinyoung feel a little small but he shrugged it off. Several cars were already parked along the street so at least Jinyoung wasn’t the first to arrive. He braced himself and glanced in the rear-view mirror. Not that he typically cared about his appearance, but he didn’t like to look dishevelled. He’d worn his usual sweater vest and collared shirt combination but threw on a black blazer to class it up a bit. Just the type of look to blend in with an academic crowd. Jinyoung quickly cleaned his glasses with the cloth he kept in the glove compartment and got out of the car.

A housekeeper answered the door and escorted Jinyoung into the backyard. As he walked through the high-ceilinged rooms and perfectly polished floors, Jinyoung felt as if he were walking through a museum. He wondered how anyone could live in a house with such a cold atmosphere, but who was he to judge.

The backyard was open and filled with flower beds, a pool, several sets of outdoor furniture, and a large lawn. Oh, and people. The backyard was filled to the brim with people. Jinyoung gulped, longing for the empty, museum-like house at his back.

_Just make your rounds, talk to a few people, and then you can go home_ , Jinyoung told himself. Though he had Mark’s voice in his head as well, urging him to _make new friends_. Jinyoung told himself he would be friendly but made no promises regarding the actual acquisition of friends.

Jinyoung grabbed a champagne flute from a passing server and gulped half of it down, eager to let the acidic numbing liquid start its work. He spotted Dr. Choi chatting with a few of his graduate students and went over to greet them. They were polite enough, smiling and making small talk—Jinyoung hated small talk—before Jinyoung noticed his drink was empty and used that as an excuse to walk away.

At the bar, he found Dr. Zhang Yixing. The man looked fantastic, Jinyoung couldn’t help but notice, wearing a black turtleneck under a beige suit, the perfect combination of elegant and professional. As he gave the man a once-over, he heard Mark’s voice in his head about starting to date again, but he shook it away. Despite how attractive Yixing was, Jinyoung was not interested in him like that. He wasn’t interested in anyone, for that matter, his heart was still sore from the last insanely attractive man who’d entered his life. But as Jinyoung regarded Yixing for another moment, he wondered if maybe this was something he could think about pursuing later, when he was ready for the next stage of his healing. He tucked the thought away for later. For now, at least, Yixing was famous for getting along with everyone while still flying far under the radar, so Jinyoung felt he was at least a safe choice for some uncomfortable conversation.

“Dr. Zhang,” Jinyoung said, nodding in greeting as he approached.

Yixing looked up and gave him a roguish grin. “Dr. Park! Enjoying this party as much as I am?” he asked.

“If by that you mean not at all,” Jinyoung laughed lightly, “then yes, I am.”

Yixing raised his glass to him. “Misery loves company.”

“Have you seen Mark and Namjoon around? I was hoping to say a quick hello to them before taking my leave.”

“What, you don’t want to meet the new guy?” Yixing asked, genuinely surprised. “I actually think you’d like him.”

Jinyoung groaned internally. _Not you, too._ He decided the thought he’d tucked away for later would need to be immediately thrown out. “Do you really?”

“No,” Yixing replied, winking, “but it’ll be fun to watch.”

This time Jinyoung groaned aloud.

Yixing looked past Jinyoung’s shoulder before quietly murmuring, “Put on a good show for me, Jinyoung, will you?” Then he raised his voice to a normal decibel. “Dean Kim, Dr. Wang, how are you both this evening?”

As Jinyoung turned to greet Dean Kim and Dr. Wang, he was so taken aback at the sight before him that he almost faltered in his steps. The man beside Namjoon, who he could only assume was Dr. Jackson Wang, was annoyingly beautiful. He wore a navy suit, which somehow still managed to show his impressive physique underneath, his hair was a red that reminded Jinyoung of autumn leaves, and his face—holy shit his _face—_ was so perfect it could have been carved from marble. _Oh come on_. It was bad enough everyone said Dr. Wang was perfect, did he have to _look_ this perfect too?

“Jinyoung, there you are! Meet Dr. Jackson Wang, your new boss,” Namjoon said proudly. “Jackson, this is Dr. Park Jinyoung.”

At the word _boss_ , Jinyoung snapped out of his daze. It didn’t matter how utterly gorgeous the man was, Jinyoung was determined to hate him. Hopefully Jackson would be as big of a dick as Jinyoung expected so hating him would be a little easier. As if on cue, Jackson smiled what Jinyoung could only guess was the fakest smile ever to have been smiled and extended his hand. Jinyoung responded with an equally fake smile and shook his hand back. _God, even his hands are perfect._ Jinyoung wanted to throw up.

“Dr. Park, it’s such a pleasure to meet you,” Dr. Wang said, in slightly accented Korean, his smile never faltering.

“Same to you, Dr. Wang,” Jinyoung replied with forced congeniality.

“Please, call me Jackson,” he insisted, waving off the formality. “What course are you teaching this semester?”

“Social psychology.”

“How fascinating!” Dr. Wang—Jackson—seemed delighted. Jinyoung wasn’t convinced. No one got that excited about social psychology. “I would love to attend a lecture.”

Jinyoung avoided the strong urge to make a face and instead replied, “You’re welcome anytime.” He instantly regretted his words.

Jackson’s smile grew even further—was there no limit to how big that smile could get? “I’ll be there.”

Namjoon chuckled, “Sounds like you two will get along famously.” He playfully smacked Jackson on the back, his hand lingering a half-second too long. “I’m so glad! Jinyoung was especially close to our last department head. Perhaps he’ll make a habit of it.” He winked at Jinyoung, whose insides twisted at the thought, but he only continued to smile fakely.

Jackson seemed curious for a moment, raising a single brow, and then turned pensive. “You must be sad to be losing your friend, then.”

If he didn’t know any better, Jinyoung might have thought the man was being genuine. But he did know better and he didn’t know how much longer he could take of this abhorrently fake conversation, so he just kept nodding and smiling like an idiot.

“Well, let’s keep on with the introductions, then, Jackson,” Namjoon said, ushering him off to the next victim. Jackson looked back at Jinyoung once more and offered a slight bow before taking his leave.

Once he had turned away, Jinyoung’s face finally relaxed and he let out an unfettered sigh.

“That man is probably the fakest person I have ever met,” he murmured to himself, before remembering that Yixing was standing right next to him.

“That was probably the stupidest I’ve ever seen you look,” Yixing said, chuckling.

Jinyoung whirled around to see Yixing grinning. “If I looked stupid, he must have looked even more stupid!” Jinyoung protested, suddenly overwhelmed and frazzled. “Did you see how much he smiled? Who does that?”

“I think that’s just how he is,” Yixing responded simply. “He’s like that with everyone. He’s impossibly chipper. I think it’s quite endearing.”

Jinyoung snorted. “I think it’s quite annoying.

Yixing smirked. “Whatever you say, Jinyoung. Enjoy the new school year.” He gave Jinyoung’s shoulder a squeeze and then walked off.

Jinyoung let loose a breath. Why had he agreed to let Jackson attend one of his lectures? Not that Jackson needed the permission, but Jinyoung didn’t have to make it seem like he actually wanted him there. What a nightmare.

Throughout the rest of the evening, Jinyoung did his best to avoid Jackson. He made a point of moving out his line of sight and stayed at the opposite end of the backyard. It was apparent that the man liked being in larger groups—which worked to Jinyoung’s advantage as the token loner of the faculty—and Jinyoung watched him flit around from one crowd to the next, leaving a trail of thoroughly entertained and smitten people in his wake. Jinyoung wanted to throw up again.

After being at the party for an hour—how had he let himself stay so long already?—Jinyoung finally found Mark.

“Where have you been hiding all night?” Mark asked when Jinyoung approached him.

“Wherever Dr. Wang isn’t,” Jinyoung replied, frowning.

Mark chuckled. “Ah, I see you’ve had the pleasure of meeting my replacement. Quite the character, isn’t he?”

“He’s far too cheerful for my taste. No one is naturally that happy. He’s a total fake.”

“No, you’re just a grump,” Mark teased. “I like him. I think he’ll be good for…the department.”

Jinyoung wasn’t so sure.

* * *

Mark’s departure a few days later weighed heavily on Jinyoung. He was determined to focus on work to keep his mind off of the fact that he’d lost his only friend to another country, but the reality of life without Mark shook him more than he’d anticipated.

The threat of a deep emotional spiral aside, Jinyoung’s first few classes came and went without incident. He only taught full-year courses in order to weed out the students just looking for an easy A, and most of Jinyoung’s classes were for upper years, so they knew the drill when it came to his teaching style and his rules:

_No phones. No swearing. No sleeping. No tardiness._

As shown by his glowing teaching evaluations, Jinyoung’s students had a high level of respect for him, so he’d encountered very few issues since he began teaching. There were several instances where he’d confiscated phones and a handful of times where he’d locked tardy students out of the classroom—if he could show up on time, so could they—but nothing beyond that.

Before he knew it, Friday had arrived and Jinyoung tried not to notice that Jackson had not attended any of his lectures that week. He only had one more that afternoon from 2-5pm, but Jinyoung acknowledged it was highly unlikely for anyone to want to attend a three-hour lecture on a Friday afternoon unless it was required. He relaxed for the first time in a week, feeling safe that he had evaded Jackson’s unwanted surveillance.

Jinyoung walked into the lecture hall to find most of his students there, and by the time he began the lecture, there was no sign of Jackson. The man had clearly just been trying to be polite—or fake, more likely—when he’d asked to attend Jinyoung’s lecture.

At 2:03pm, Jinyoung was in the middle of illustrating the Yerkes-Dodson law on the board, his back turned to the class, when the door opened.

“Perhaps you’ve never taken one of my classes before,” Jinyoung said as he finished the line he was drawing, “but I have a strict ‘no tardiness’ policy.” He turned around to face the delinquent student—only to see Dr. Jackson Wang.

_Fuck_.

Jackson looked much less formal today but was still a vision in his white collared shirt underneath a forest green knitted sweater, the colour accentuating the red of his hair. Jinyoung felt a little pale in comparison and he hated the man for it.

“My apologies, _Professor Park_ ,” Jackson said with a smile, “it won’t happen again.”

The class laughed, giving Jinyoung a moment to recover from his surprise and the horror that he had not, in fact, escaped Jackson’s promise. He plastered yet another fake smile onto his lips, which he was getting pretty good at, and said, “No apologies necessary, _Professor Wang_. Welcome to the class. I hope you brought your notebook.”

Jinyoung did his best to ignore Jackson for the remainder of the class, but it wasn’t easy with those dark eyes staring so intently in his direction for three goddamn hours. Jinyoung used every excuse to ignore his slides in favour of using the blackboard instead, so at least he could turn his back to the class. He did turn around a few times, though, and couldn’t help but notice that Jackson was typing something on his phone. The blatant disrespect for his rules made Jinyoung seethe. He hoped none of his students would pick up on the bad habit.

Thankfully, Jackson didn’t ask any questions and he left once the class ended. Jinyoung immediately felt relieved. At least that was over.

* * *

The following Friday, Jackson was already in the classroom when Jinyoung walked in. He still sat at the back of the class, but this time he brought a notebook. He wore a royal blue turtleneck and wire-framed round spectacles, prompting Jinyoung to remark internally at how unfair it was that he looked so good in glasses. Jackson caught his eye and beamed, and Jinyoung smiled despite himself. The whole scene was so distracting that it took Jinyoung a few seconds to realize that the man smiling at him wasn’t supposed to be there. The man had said _a_ lecture, not _lectures_. Jinyoung offered a silent prayer to whatever god might be listening in the hopes that this would be the last time he had to put up with Dr. Jackson Wang.

* * *

Either there were no gods or they were just intent on ignoring him, because Jackson continued coming to Jinyoung’s Friday afternoon lectures. Jinyoung could do nothing to stop him, he was his boss after all, but it was incredibly annoying. And distracting. Before he knew it, Jinyoung began to dread Friday afternoons. On the walk over from his office to the lecture hall, he would become an anxious mess and would often arrive sweaty and out of breath. The thought of his untidy appearance in front of two hundred students—and Jackson—only made his anxiety worse.

On the ninth week, Jinyoung decided it was time to do something.

It had been nine weeks of Jackson’s new leadership. Nine weeks of immediately deleting enthusiastic emails with stupid happy faces. Nine weeks of ignoring the inspirational quotes posted on message board at the entrance to their hall. Nine weeks of seeing Jackson around campus and running in the opposite direction.

And, worst of all, nine weeks of lectures with a fucking babysitter.

It was Wednesday, so Jinyoung had two days to figure out a plan to get Jackson to stop coming to his classes. Before his night class that evening, Jinyoung decided to call Mark for help. He knew the other professors in his hall were never around at this time on Wednesdays, but he still closed his office door as usual, just to be safe.

Mark answered the phone sounding sleepy. Jinyoung skipped the pleasantries and quickly explained the problem, begging him to help find a solution.

His friend listened without comment until Jinyoung was finished and then heaved a sigh. “Jinyoung, please tell me what the big deal is. You’ve lectured to thousands of people—strangers, I might add—at so many universities in so many countries, what’s the big deal about one more person?”

“It’s not the _number_ of people I take issue with, hyung. It’s _him_ ,” Jinyoung said.

“I know you don’t like the guy, but can’t you just ignore him? You said he just sits and listens.”

Jinyoung hmphed. “I just don’t feel comfortable with him being there. He makes me nervous.”

At this, Jinyoung could practically hear Mark’s ears perk up and he instantly regretted the admission. “Nervous, eh? Because he looks like a Greek god?”

Jinyoung gaped into the phone. “ _No_ , it’s not that. It’s just—”

“So, you agree? You think he looks like a Greek god?”

Jinyoung was lost for words. Mark was nasty. “Th-that’s not what I said at all,” he stuttered, “I-I just mean that I don’t want him coming to my lectures. It’s distracting.”

“Because he’s so handsome,” Mark offered.

“Would you STOP, _please_??” Jinyoung could feel the blush all over his face. Thank god his office door was always closed.

Mark only cackled more, his cruelty knowing no limits. “I just wish I was there to see how this plays out.”

“I wish you were here, too, because then _he_ wouldn’t be here,” Jinyoung spat out bitterly. “And there isn’t anything to see, anyway. There is nothing to play out.” Jinyoung knew his words lost some of their meaning with the intensity of his tone, but he didn’t care.

“If you say so.” Jinyoung assumed Mark was shrugging.

“I mean it, Mark-hyung. I want to stay as far away from him as I can, but he keeps coming to my damn lectures!” Jinyoung exclaimed, raising his voice in frustration. “I don’t get it, doesn’t he have anything better to do on a Friday afternoon for _three hours_??”

“Well he’s only teaching one class each semester since he wanted to focus more on the operations of the department and clean up some things I’d never had a chance to. Maybe he just has Friday afternoons free.”

Jinyoung scoffed at that. _Only_ one _class? How lazy._

“Why don’t you just talk to him about it?” Mark continued. “Tell him it makes it hard to focus when he’s there.”

Jinyoung let out an exasperated sigh. “That would mean I have to talk to him, which would be very difficult considering I’m trying to stay away from him.”

“I don’t know, Jinyoung-ah. I think you’re making too big a deal out of this. Just let this one go.”

“Thanks, hyung, you’ve been no help at all.”

“Love you too.”

Jinyoung hung up the phone and let out a growl of frustration. He should’ve known Mark would suggest something sensible like talking to the man, but Jinyoung didn’t want to be sensible. He was too riled up for that.

He checked the clock and exhaled. His night class would be starting soon, he’d have to figure this out later. He gathered his things and opened his office door. The office directly across from his, which had been unoccupied since last semester, had its door open. Jinyoung looked up and saw Jackson sitting at the desk, writing something in the margins of a textbook.

Jinyoung froze.

Since when was Jackson’s office across the hall? Mark’s office had been on an entirely different floor when he was department head. How long had Jackson been there? Did he hear Jinyoung’s conversation with Mark? _Oh god._ Jinyoung had essentially been screaming into the phone how much he hated his boss, and Jackson had been _right there_. He was fired for sure.

Jackson looked up and met his gaze, smiling politely, definitely not his usual ear-to-ear grin. _Oh god._ Jinyoung forced a smile back.

“Goodnight, Dr. Park.”

“Goodnight, Dr. Wang.”

_Oh god oh god oh god_.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well we finally met Jackson! What do you think, is he a total fake or is Jinyoung just a grump? Only time will tell...
> 
> Hope you're all liking the story so far! I really appreciate all the comments so please don't be shy!!
> 
> And feel free to come hang out with me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/huahuaspassword) and say hi!! I promise I'm actually really nice.


	3. Chapter 3

Jackson did not attend Jinyoung’s lecture that Friday afternoon. Jinyoung knew he should feel relieved, he did feel relieved, but there was also a layer of something else that he couldn’t place. Guilt, perhaps, at the fact that Jackson more than likely overheard his and Mark’s conversation.

He told himself that Jackson was probably just busy or had better things to do. It was unlikely he wasn’t here because he’d heard his and Mark’s phone call. And even if he had heard it, Jinyoung had never said his name, he could easily have been talking about someone else. Jinyoung was sure that Jackson would be back to annoy and distract him at his lecture next week.

To his dismay or his relief—Jinyoung wasn’t quite sure at this point—Jackson did not come to class the following week either. Now, Jinyoung was upset and his entire class could tell. Once could’ve been a mistake, but twice was definitely intentional. He made it through the lecture without issue, but he felt off the entire time. The rational part of Jinyoung reasoned that perhaps Jackson had already left for the holiday break, but he was still angry—and he wasn’t entirely sure why.

After class, his TA Bambam asked him what was wrong, he’d noticed Jinyoung had been a little different the past two classes. Jinyoung was annoyed that his change in behaviour was so obvious, irritated at himself for letting Jackson get in his head. He grumbled something about not sleeping well and then excused himself. He just wanted to grab his stuff and get home to a big glass of wine.

Jinyoung stalked across campus and into his office building, up the three flights of stairs, and opened the door to his hall. Right away he could see Jackson’s door was closed, but the light was on.

 _That fucker_.

Jinyoung wasn’t sure what came over him, but he was suddenly hit with an overwhelming wave of pure rage. He threw open Jackson’s door to reveal the man sitting at his desk, reading and making notes in a textbook again, holding a pen in his teeth. A steaming mug of hot liquid sat on the desk and Jinyoung reluctantly breathed in the calming smell of green tea. Jackson looked up at the intrusion, a hint of surprise filling those giant brown eyes. He wore a white turtleneck underneath a white blazer, and, of course, those damned glasses. He looked like an angel, a stupid fucking angel.

Jinyoung took only a second to absorb Jackson’s appearance and then quickly ignored it. He needed to stay angry. Then, he started to yell.

“Look, I don’t know who the hell you think you are, but you need to stop messing with my head,” Jinyoung fumed.

Jackson closed his book and removed the pen from between his teeth.

“First you say you’re going to come to _one_ of my lectures,” Jinyoung continued, “and then you show up late and stay on your phone the whole time—which, by the way, broke _two_ of my rules and you’re lucky none of my students picked up on your terrible habits—and even after that blatant disrespect, you had the nerve to come to _eight more_ of my lectures and then all of a sudden you just stop!”

Jinyoung realized that he was blabbering, but he felt so angry that he couldn’t shut up. Jackson only continued to listen patiently.

“Like what the hell is that about? Are you trying to keep tabs on me? My students like me a lot, you know, so I don’t need a babysitter.”

Jackson took a sip of his tea.

“I might be the youngest prof here, but I get the best teaching evaluations of anyone. So I’m not sure why you think it’s necessary to sit in on all of my lectures…except that now you’re not coming anymore…what was even the point then?” _Why is he so calm?_ Jinyoung thought. _Why am I still talking?_ He felt silly and he knew he looked it, but his mouth didn’t seem to share the concern.

“You know, if you’re doing performance evaluations on us you need to tell us about that.” Jinyoung felt the anger waning as embarrassment took over. “Mark always gave us a heads up about that. I don’t like the idea of being watched without warning and…I-I would like an explanation.”

There was a pause while Jackson waited to be sure he was done. Now that he _was_ done, Jinyoung wanted nothing more than to pretend he’d never said a word. He opened his mouth to say as much and start apologizing profusely, but Jackson held up a hand.

“May I speak now?”

Jinyoung nodded.

“Close the door, please.”

Jinyoung closed the door.

“You may sit.”

Jinyoung sat.

“Dr. Park,” Jackson began, taking off his glasses and leaning forward, elbows resting on the desk, “I went to lectures from every professor at the start of the semester. For some professors, I went to multiple lectures; others, just the one. I’m sorry that I showed up three minutes late to your first lecture, but I had just finished at another professor’s lecture across campus and was rushing to get to yours. As promised, it didn’t happen again.” Jackson’s tone was serious but not reprimanding. Jinyoung wished he could disappear.

“I wasn’t aware of your no cellphone rule and you had made a comment about taking notes, but since I didn’t bring a notebook, I figured there was no harm in doing so on my phone at least for that first class.”

Jinyoung was _so_ fired.

“I continued going to your lectures for no other reason than I genuinely liked your teaching style. You’re right, your teaching evaluations are the highest of anyone, and I quickly saw why. You’re one of the most passionate and knowledgeable professors I’ve seen, and you are definitely the best lecturer I’ve ever heard. Your talks were interesting and enjoyable to attend and I began to look forward to them.”

Jinyoung was mortified, he could feel the blush creeping up his neck. He couldn’t believe what Jackson was saying. He actually liked his lectures, he thought he was a good professor, that was all. Jinyoung couldn’t help but be completely flattered, which only contributed to his embarrassment.

Jackson continued, “I didn’t think it was an intrusion since you had told me when we first met that I was welcome in your classroom, however, I overheard a phone conversation last week that suggested otherwise—” Jinyoung winced “—so I decided it was best not to continue. I admit, I thought you would’ve been happy, considering how upset you seemed on the phone. By the way, I do apologize for eavesdropping, but you were being incredibly loud.”

The blush had completely taken over Jinyoung’s face. He probably looked like a tomato—a really stupid tomato. He had no idea what to say or what to do. Jackson had explained everything so simply and without judgement, and Jinyoung couldn’t believe he had gotten so irate about such an insignificant thing. He felt like a complete idiot and the humiliation was slowly turning into panic. He tried to breathe deeply, taking off his glasses and putting his head in his hands to avoid looking at his boss directly.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry,” he apologized, his voice coming out strained and shaky. He didn’t even care that he swore—breaking one of his own rules—he was pretty far past the point of professional. “I just came in here and yelled at you for something so stupid. I feel so stupid.” He shook his head. “You’re my boss and I just disrespected you _at work_ , where anyone could’ve heard. Oh god,” he moaned, “please fire me.”

Jackson stood up and walked to the other side of the desk, placing a hand on Jinyoung’s shoulder. “Don’t worry about it. I think most people have gone home for the break already. Youngjae was the last one here other than me and he left an hour ago.”

Jinyoung’s shoulder felt hot underneath the steady weight of Jackson’s hand. The touch was soothing and melted away some of his shame. He looked up to see Jackson regarding him with a kind expression, as though he hadn’t just been shouted at for several minutes. He should’ve called security. _I would’ve called security._

“I’m so embarrassed, Jackson—Dr. Wang—I’m so sorry.” 

Jackson took his hand away to run his fingers through his hair. Jinyoung’s shoulder suddenly felt very cold. “Jackson, please. There’s no need to use formalities now after that little display,” he chuckled. Jinyoung groaned. “Please don’t feel embarrassed, I’m just teasing you. I’m sure we’ll laugh about this one day.”

Jinyoung was still completely mortified but mostly he was relieved. More than anything, he was so surprised at how relaxed Jackson was being about this, considering how rude and unprofessional he’d been. Anyone else would surely have fired him on the spot, even Mark wouldn’t have put up with that kind of disrespect. Perhaps Jinyoung was wrong to judge him so soon, maybe Jackson did have some good qualities. Before he could stop himself, he asked, “Do you really think I’m a good lecturer?”

Jackson smiled sincerely and cocked his head a little. “Yeah, I really do.”

Jinyoung could feel his eyes crinkle as a shy smile crossed his face. For some reason, knowing Jackson thought he was a good professor made him feel…happy? It was an odd thought, considering that not even five minutes ago he had been hatefully yelling at the man.

With that, Jinyoung stood and gave a quick bow before opening the door behind him. He turned and added softly, “Merry Christmas, Jackson.”

“Merry Christmas, Jinyoung.”

He took his leave, eager to get out of there before he could say something else he’d regret. Jinyoung still couldn’t believe he’d actually done that and that Jackson had forgiven him so easily. He also couldn’t believe that Jackson actually _liked_ attending his lectures, and he found himself wondering whether Jackson would start coming again next semester now that their little misunderstanding had been cleared up.

Jinyoung realized that he was hoping for it.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On a scale of 1 to 10, how much of a hot mess is our little Jinyoungie? I say 11.
> 
> We're getting there, people!! Hope you're all enjoying the ride so far. Thank you everyone for the comments!! It feeds my ego, which is always fun.
> 
> If you wanna become friends, come follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/huahuaspassword) :)


	4. Chapter 4

The second semester started and with it came some changes that were not entirely horrible. The enthusiastic emails became less annoying. The inspirational quotes on the message board at the entrance to their hall began to be less cheesy and more, well, inspirational. And when Jinyoung saw Jackson around campus or in the hall outside their offices, he actually stopped to say hello—though nothing more than that, Jinyoung still detested small talk.

When Jinyoung saw Jackson in the back of the classroom at his first Friday afternoon lecture of the new semester, he was happier than he cared to admit. Jackson still didn’t ask questions or stay after lecture, but Jinyoung was just glad to have him there. He wasn’t exactly sure _why_ he was glad, it’s not like he suddenly liked Jackson, but he’d certainly become more bearable as a human. And the things he’d initially thought about Jackson—obnoxious, fake, annoying—were clearly not accurate descriptors of the man. The conversation in Jackson’s office had shown Jinyoung that Jackson was actually genuine, caring, and, thankfully, forgiving. He was still ashamed by his outburst, and even more so by how stupid it had been to get upset about something so trivial, but Jinyoung tried not to let it bother him. He’d thought about it a lot in the two weeks they’d had off and he decided he wouldn’t dwell on it anymore. Besides, Jackson had told him not to feel embarrassed and for some reason Jinyoung trusted him to tell the truth.

Jinyoung found himself smiling more in his lectures this term and even forgave one student who was three minutes late to class because she had missed the bus. He decided that his rules were important, but perhaps certain circumstances warranted leniency. He wasn’t a monster, after all.

Apart from lecture on Fridays, Jinyoung also saw Jackson on Wednesdays before he left for his night class. Jackson always kept his office door open, so they usually said a quick greeting when Jinyoung opened his own office door before he rushed off to class. He soon found himself leaving for his lecture earlier and earlier, allowing more time to talk with Jackson. The conversations were never long, mostly just little updates on how their classes and research projects were going, but Jinyoung enjoyed their little chats. On a few Wednesdays, Jackson’s office door was closed and his light off, seemingly empty. Jinyoung wondered where Jackson disappeared to on those days and tried to ignore the slight disappointment he felt. He had slowly grown fond of the man he’d once hated and would even go so far as to say they were friends. Mark was proud when he called to tell him, albeit more than a little annoying as he mocked Jinyoung for his change in attitude toward Jackson.

When the tenth lecture of the second semester arrived, Jinyoung was suddenly nervous about his topic: human sexuality. It was standard in social psychology to cover human sexuality and Jinyoung had taught it countless times. He actually really enjoyed the topic. But now Jinyoung was keenly aware of that _Jackson_ would be present to hear this talk. He wasn’t sure why that made him nervous, and a bit giddy, but it did.

Jinyoung agonized over the upcoming lecture all week. He was even self-conscious about the outfit he would wear, how his hair looked, and whether he should buy new glasses. In the end, he went out of his comfort zone and parted his hair to the right instead of the middle, combing it back slightly to keep his bangs away from his face. For his outfit, he settled on a light grey suit and a white shirt. He decided that new glasses would be overkill. After all, it was just a lecture.

When he walked into the classroom that day, Jinyoung could feel all eyes on him. Well, all eyes were usually on him anyway, but he felt the weight of their stares more so today than ever. He put down his laptop bag and looked up at the class, catching Jackson’s eye immediately, who was looking at him from the back of the room with an air of curiosity.

Jinyoung cursed himself for even trying to put in effort, he still looked like a potato compared to Jackson. The other man wore a simple black suit and white shirt, though it looked anything but simple on his striking figure. Jinyoung’s stomach fluttered a little at the sight of him.

He welcomed the class as usual and began his lecture, keenly aware of Jackson’s attention on him as he leaned forward in his seat. Students asked questions frequently—which he expected, this was usually a hot topic, no pun intended—but about halfway through the lecture, Jackson raised his hand. Jinyoung was caught off-guard, Jackson had never asked a question before. Moreover, Jinyoung already felt self-conscious with the topic today, but now to he had to address Jackson in front to everyone? Jinyoung quickly began overthinking about whether to call him Jackson or Dr. Wang or Professor Wang, deciding on the third option after a much too long pause.

“Yes, Professor Wang.”

Jackson smirked at his use of the formality. _Good choice, Jinyoung,_ he told himself.

“Professor Park,” Jackson began, his voice low and husky, “I was just wondering…you said that physical attractiveness is a strong factor for short-term relationships, but why is it less of a factor for long-term relationships? Shouldn’t that always play a role?”

The entire class looked to Jackson and then to Jinyoung, waiting expectantly. Leave it to Jackson to make Jinyoung talk about physical attractiveness in front of the most attractive man he’d ever met and two hundred students. But Jinyoung was in his element, so he pushed through. “Great question,” he responded, keeping his voice steady. “Yes, physical attractiveness is a factor in mate selection for both long-term and short-term relationships. However, for long-term relationships, it is more important to select a mate that is able to provide resources. Since it is a bit rare to find someone with sufficient resources who is also attractive, many end up sacrificing physical attractiveness in favour of someone who can provide adequate resources.”

“And if someone was both physically attractive and able to provide resources?”

“Well, then there would be no need to sacrifice one factor or the other.”

“So, you’re saying they would be the perfect partner?”

Jinyoung couldn’t control the laugh that escaped his lips, his eyes crinkling in amusement and his hand coming up instinctively to cover his mouth. “I mean, picking a partner isn’t limited to those two factors—there are many other things to consider, like compatibility, for instance—but, for our purposes here today…yes, I suppose so.”

Jackson grinned. “Good to know. Thank you, Professor.”

“My pleasure.” Jinyoung knew his gaze lingered on Jackson a little longer than it should have, but he couldn’t help it. Wasn’t there a saying about beautiful things being made to be looked at? Maybe not. He didn’t care.

At the end of the lecture, Jinyoung had a line of about a dozen students waiting to ask questions. He patiently answered each other their questions, sometimes drawing or writing on the board to illustrate his answers. When only a few students were left, Jinyoung looked up and saw Jackson still sitting in his seat.

Apparently, it was a day of firsts.

His heartbeat started to quicken and he had to ask the next student to repeat their question, distracted by the thought of why Jackson was waiting. He shamefully rushed through the remaining students’ questions, impatient to see if Jackson would still be there. When the last student thanked Jinyoung and turned to leave, Jackson finally stood up, taking off his glasses and putting them in the soft case in his pocket. Jinyoung’s breath caught as he took in the full force of Jackson’s beauty and the anticipation of what was going to happen next.

Jackson walked down the steps of the lecture hall until he reached the lecture floor where Jinyoung stood, but staying a few paces away. “That was a really interesting lecture, Professor Park,” he remarked.

“Thank you, Professor Wang,” Jinyoung replied, bowing his head slightly. “But I thought we decided to forego the formalities?”

Jackson smiled at that. “Oh, I was just waiting until that last student had left the hall,” he said, turning around to check. When he saw they were alone, his tone became more casual. “Would you like to grab some coffee? Perhaps we can talk more about the lecture.”

“Uh, I’d love to,” Jinyoung replied as he felt his stomach clench, “but I don’t drink coffee.”

“What about a drink?” Jackson suggested, his dark eyes insistent.

“I would, but I haven’t eaten all day, so I don’t think a drink would be a good idea right now,” Jinyoung said, a little disappointed. It was true, though, he’d been so nervous about the lecture today that he’d completely forgotten to eat. Still, he wasn’t sure why he was making excuses when Jackson was quite possibly asking him out on a date.

“Dinner, then! You must be starving—though, feel free to make up another excuse if you really don’t want to spend time with me,” Jackson offered with a wink. “I’d prefer that over getting an earful in my office later.”

Jinyoung could feel his face flush. “You told me we’d laugh about that one day!”

“And I am,” he responded with a chuckle, “you’re just not joining me in it.”

At that, Jinyoung did laugh.

“So, dinner?” Jackson asked again, and this time Jinyoung nodded.

* * *

The drive to the restaurant was torture. A thousand thoughts and questions were going through his mind and Jinyoung couldn’t quite figure out answers to any of them.

First, he had no clue if this was a work dinner or a date. Jackson had said they could talk more about the lecture, but then had suggested one of the fanciest and most romantic—not to mention expensive—restaurants in the city.

Second, Jackson had a ridiculously nice car. Jinyoung felt like he couldn’t touch anything for fear of getting his smudgy fingerprints all over it. Yet Jackson was completely at ease, and Jinyoung couldn’t help but wonder, _Exactly how much money does he have?_

Third, he and Jackson were about to have a meal together. _Alone_. Jinyoung wasn’t good at talking to people, especially one-on-one, so when Jackson had left him alone in the car to clean the light dusting of snow off the windshield, Jinyoung had pulled up an article called “225 Conversation Starters for Any Situation” on his phone. He’d skimmed the list and memorized a few of the best ones in case the conversation died and things got awkward.

For now, Jinyoung tried to quiet his mind and focus on what Jackson was saying at the moment. He was telling him about how he was settling in as department head and how people were taking to his leadership.

“…and now that you’ve come around—I think, anyway—it looks like I have all the staff in my corner,” Jackson said, shooting a glance at Jinyoung. “So hopefully it’ll be smooth sailing from here.”

“Wait, you knew I didn’t like you?” Jinyoung was shocked, but he supposed he hadn’t really tried to hide it.

“Harsh.” He feigned an injured expression. “But yeah, I kinda got that impression when you yelled at me.”

“I thought we were done bringing that up.”

“I made no such promises.”

Jinyoung rolled his eyes. “Fine. But before that, did you know I, uh, wasn’t in your corner?”

“Much better,” Jackson said. “Hmm, yes I still knew you didn’t like me. I heard from other professors that you would make noises when they’d say nice things about me and that you thought I was being fake.”

Jinyoung silently swore at himself for being so public with his hatred.

Jackson continued, “Which, to be honest, I found rather surprising. When we met, and even at that first lecture I went to, you were so nice to me.”

At that, Jinyoung almost choked, laughter bursting from his throat. “Are you serious?”

Jackson looked between him and the road ahead, half-laughing along with him but thoroughly confused. “What?”

“I thought you were being fake with me so I was being completely fake with you the whole time,” Jinyoung explained, trying to stifle his giggles. “I thought you knew that. I thought we both knew that we were both being fake.”

“Wait a second,” Jackson said, waving his hand a bit in confusion. “You thought I was being fake, but I wasn’t being fake. And I thought you were being genuine, but you weren’t?”

Jinyoung could only nod as a new bout of laughter shook his body.

“Ironic,” Jackson pointed out. “We really got off on the wrong foot, didn’t we?”

Jinyoung recovered from his outburst quickly and became a little contemplative. “Yes. But I’m glad we’ve fixed that,” he said, his voice small but sincere.

They stopped at a red light and Jackson turned to face him, those stunning eyes boring into Jinyoung’s own. “Me too.”

When they pulled up to the restaurant, Jackson handed his key to the valet and Jinyoung’s eyes widened as he took in the scene inside _._ There was a live string quartet, candles everywhere, ivy climbing up the walls, and a freaking _waterfall_. Jinyoung was eternally grateful that he’d ended up wearing this suit, he would’ve been mortified to show up here in a sweater vest. Still, this place was even fancier than he’d heard and even one of his best suits now seemed cheap in the lavishness of the restaurant.

“Gosh,” he whispered to Jackson as they walked to the front desk, “I don’t think I’m dressed appropriately for this place.”

“Nonsense,” he said with a puzzled expression, “you look beautiful.”

Jinyoung was grateful the maître d’ asked for their reservation at that moment so Jackson missed the blush bloom on Jinyoung’s cheeks.

“Wang, party of two.”

As the maître d’ led them to their table, Jinyoung whispered again, “When did you even make a reservation? I’ve been with you the whole time.”

Jackson just winked at him and kept walking.

Their table was in a corner of the restaurant right beside the waterfall, and Jinyoung wondered again how Jackson had not only made a reservation without him noticing but also requested such a great spot. The table itself was littered with tealights and a single lily sat in a small vase at the centre. The waterfall poured into a small pool beside the table that was filled with flower petals, giving off a heavenly scent.

To say it was incredibly romantic was an incredible understatement.

As Jackson helped Jinyoung into his seat—was he always such a gentleman?—Jinyoung’s gaze lingered on the lily. He loved lilies, but he rarely saw them used in table décor. He leaned in to smell it and then instantly pulled back, feeling silly. He glanced at Jackson, who was now settled in his own seat and regarding the wine list too intently to notice Jinyoung’s childish actions, thank goodness.

Their server quickly brought them some bread, which Jackson insisted Jinyoung eat before they did anything else. Jinyoung was appreciative and ate half the basket. Jackson ordered them a bottle of wine—the second-most expensive one on the list, Jinyoung noted—and they placed their orders.

The wine was delicious, the food was delicious, the company was delicious, and Jinyoung was deliciously drunk before the entrees arrived. They talked mostly about work—which Jinyoung had expected given that this was likely a work dinner—but they also talked a bit about their life outside of academia. By dessert, Jinyoung realized that they hadn’t had an awkward silence all evening. Talking with Jackson felt so natural, it was as though they’d known each other forever. Jinyoung laughed more than he had in a long time, and not just because the wine made him giddy. Jackson had a way of talking that made Jinyoung feel constantly entertained and he found himself giggling between every bite. 

Jackson was also incredibly intelligent. Jinyoung could listen to him talk about his research for hours, and he would have, if the server hadn’t come by with the bill, which Jackson reached for immediately. He had to pay the bill himself to expense it, so Jinyoung didn’t say anything.

Jinyoung didn’t realize just how much the wine had gone to his head until he stood up from the table and felt himself sway slightly. Jackson quickly came over to his side to take his arm, expertly hiding the fact that Jinyoung needed the man for balance. As they approached the car, Jackson opened the door for him and made sure he got in okay before closing it and coming around to the driver’s side. It was then that Jinyoung realized that yes, Jackson was in fact always a gentleman.

“Thanks for that,” Jinyoung said gratefully. “Sorry, the wine hit me pretty hard. I should know better than to drink on an empty stomach.”

Jackson waved him off. “We’ve all been there, don’t worry. Plus, it gave me an excuse to show you how chivalrous I can be,” he said, winking again. “Now, I was planning to drive you back to campus for you to grab your car, but I don’t think you can drive anyway. I’d better take you home.”

As much as Jinyoung wanted to protest, he knew Jackson was right. He gave him his address and Jackson plugged it into the car’s GPS.

“You should probably also give me your number,” Jackson added casually, “in case you need a ride to pick up your car tomorrow.”

Jinyoung’s breath hitched for a moment but he recovered quickly. “The university isn’t a far walk, I don’t think it’ll be a problem.”

Jackson nodded and smiled politely. “If you’re sure.”

“I am,” Jinyoung said. Maybe it was the wine, or the high of the whole evening, but Jinyoung got a sudden spurt of bravery and continued, “But, just in case, maybe I’d better give you my number.”

Jackson’s returning smile was enough to light up the city.

The rest of the drive to Jinyoung’s house was silent, though not in an awkward way. Jinyoung didn’t know what Jackson was thinking, but he felt a little sad to end the night.

Jackson escorted Jinyoung out of the car and up his front steps and helped him unlock the door. “Drink some water and get some sleep, okay?” he instructed with calm concern as he remained standing on the porch outside. “We’ll talk later.”

Jinyoung nodded but said nothing, unsure of the proper way to say goodnight in this situation. Jackson gave him a nod in return and began walking away, until Jinyoung suddenly blurted out, “I had a lot of fun tonight.”

Jackson turned back and beamed, and Jinyoung felt that warm sensation run through him again. “I’m glad, I did too. Thank you for a lovely evening.”

Then he closed the distance between them and kissed Jinyoung lightly on the cheek. Jackson’s lips were so warm and impossibly soft, Jinyoung couldn’t help but close his eyes at the touch.

“Goodnight, Jinyoung.”

“Goodnight, Jackson.”

Jinyoung watched from his window as Jackson’s car drove away into the night, his cheek still tingling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're getting to the good stuff!!! this chapter was so fun to write, between jackson and jinyoung becoming friends (they're just friends, right?), the lecture, and the dinner--it was all just so fun for me. i love an unreliable narrator hehe and i love the questions this chapter brings up: was it a date? is jackson really that rich? why did jinyoung drink so much? when did jackson have time to make a reservation? was this dinner his plan all along? all of these questions have answers, though only some of them will be answered in this fic ;)
> 
> a note about the characterization: i've had some comments about how my jinyoung/jackson are written a bit differently than in other fics and YES that was intentional! i love playing with characterization and i think AUs are a perfect place for that. i'm glad you're all (hopefully) enjoying the direction i've gone in for the characters :)
> 
> as always, thank you for your lovely comments! it's a joy to read them, truly. and don't forget i have a [Twitter](https://twitter.com/huahuaspassword) if you want to be friends!


	5. Chapter 5

Jinyoung woke up with a bad hangover. He had an earth-shattering headache and a strong desire to eat an entire buffet and then promptly throw up. But more than anything, Jinyoung was confused.

_Had last night been a date?_

Jinyoung ran through the evening in his head one more time. Thankfully he hadn’t drank so much that he couldn’t remember it. All signs had pointed to it being a date; the romantic setting, the wine, then Jackson paying the bill, driving him home, asking for his number, and kissing him on the cheek. Jinyoung’s heart did a back flip as he recalled the feel of Jackson’s lips on his skin, and his hand reached up involuntary to graze his cheek.

Jinyoung forced himself back to reality. There were reasons to suggest it was a date, yes, but also reasons to suggest it wasn’t. Jackson had never actually asked him out, for one. Normally people make a bigger deal of asking someone out on a date, and usually the date isn’t meant to happen directly following the question. Jackson had asked so nonchalantly he could’ve been talking about the weather. Besides, he’d first just asked to go for coffee, it was Jinyoung who’d brought up dinner, which Jackson had only agreed to because Jinyoung said he hadn’t eaten. At dinner, they’d mostly talked about work and their research anyway. And Jackson had only paid for the bill because he could expense it as a work dinner. He’d driven him home because Jinyoung couldn’t drive, he’d asked for his number so he could help him get his car from campus. And the kiss… Jinyoung paused. That one might be a bit harder to explain. Then a thought occurred to him: Jackson was foreign and well-traveled, he’d probably picked up that custom from somewhere. It’s not like Jackson had kissed him on the lips.

See, everything could be rationalized to argue that it was just a work dinner. As such, Jinyoung remained sufficiently confused.

So he called Mark.

Mark answered sleepily—why was his friend always sleeping?—and Jinyoung immediately word-vomited the entire evening, along with both sides of the was-it-a-date debate. He waited patiently for Mark’s input.

“Hi, Jinyoung. How are you? Things are good here, thanks so much for asking.”

Jinyoung rolled his eyes. “Hi, Mark. I know things are good with you because otherwise you would have told me. Can we just get to the problem at hand, please?”

“I don’t know why I’m friends with you.”

“Can you just—”

“Alright! Alright.” Jinyoung heard Mark sigh. “Jinyoung-ah, you’re an idiot. It was a date.” Then the line cut off.

With Mark being no help at all, as usual, Jinyoung decided to make his own criterion about whether or not it had been a date. Jackson now had his number, so Jinyoung reasoned that if it had been a date, then Jackson would text him at some point this weekend. If he didn’t, then it wasn’t a date. Easy peasy.

Jinyoung turned the ringer of his phone on so he could hear any texts that might come in, but he tried not to look at his phone for the rest of the day.

The house was deafeningly silent.

By dinnertime, Jinyoung began to sulk. By 9pm, Jinyoung was annoyed. Why on earth was he waiting for a text from someone he had hated until a few months ago? It’s not like Jinyoung liked Jackson, anyway—at least, not like _that_ —so there was no point in moping. Jackson was just stupidly handsome and Jinyoung was easily distracted. He’d been caught up in the magic of the evening, that’s all. Sulking was not necessary and therefore not allowed. Jinyoung held his head high and went about his usual bedtime routine with a new sense of resolve.

On Sunday, Jinyoung ran errands and kept himself busy. He stopped thinking about Jackson and the maybe-date and the text that never came. Jinyoung didn’t see or hear from Jackson until Wednesday evening before his night class. But he wasn’t bothered, at least he knew now that it wasn’t a date and he could stop overthinking things.

He was in his office with the door open when he saw Jackson enter the hall and stop to unlock his office.

“Hey.”

Jackson turned around and realized where the voice had come from. His face lit up instantly when he saw Jinyoung. “Jinyoung! Sorry, I didn’t expect to see you there, you never keep your office door open.”

Jinyoung paused and tried not to think about how Jackson noticed his office door was usually closed. He swallowed. “I, uh, needed some air.”

“I think that’s what the windows are for,” Jackson said, gesturing behind Jinyoung.

Jinyoung’s eyes crinkled as he smiled, then looked down to hide his blush. “So how hungover were you on Saturday?” Jackson asked, his expression mischievous.

The blush had surely taken over his entire face and neck at this point. Jinyoung groaned. “Don’t remind me. Sorry for being such a sloppy drunk, I really hadn’t eaten anything that day and the wine hit me like a ton of bricks.”

“No need to apologize.” Jackson waved him off. “I’ve been there several times, there’s no need to feel ashamed.”

The lightness of Jackson’s tone lessened Jinyoung’s shame and he didn’t feel like such a big deal anymore. He changed the subject. “I hope accounts payable won’t give you any issues expensing the dinner, I’m sure it must have been pricey.”

Jackson cocked his head, a confused look on his face. “I’m not going to expense it.”

“Why not?”

Jackson huffed a laugh. “I don’t think they would look too kindly on me trying to expense a date.”

_A date_.

He stopped. _That_ was _a date…_ Jinyoung repeated to himself.

He hadn’t realized he’d said the words out loud until Jackson responded, “Of course it was—wait, you didn’t know that was a date?” 

Jinyoung’s expression was answer enough.

“Wow, Jinyoung. Really?” He threw his head back with laughter. “But that restaurant was so romantic. I drove you home. I even _kissed_ you.”

“On the cheek!”

“Do all your coworkers kiss you on the cheek?”

Jinyoung looked down. “No, of course not. I just thought that maybe since we were friends now?”

“Oh, so you and your friends usually kiss each other?” The teasing in Jackson’s eyes was enough to drive anyone crazy.

“No! I mean, I don’t really have friends now that Mark is in Shanghai, anyway.”

Jackson’s smile faltered at that. He looked at Jinyoung like a puppy that needed to be protected. Not wanting to dwell on the shame of having no friends, Jinyoung continued, “Besides, you’re foreign,”—Jackson roared with laughter again— “I just thought that’s how you were.”

Jinyoung waited for Jackson to stop laughing so hard, the embarrassment back in full force. Not only had it been a date, but it had been Jinyoung’s first date in three years, his first date with Jackson, and he’d gone and made a huge fool of himself by getting wasted. No wonder Mark had called him an idiot.

“Well, a date doesn’t count unless both parties know it’s a date. So I guess we’ll have to do a redo,” Jackson said, feigning obligation. “How about Saturday? Pick you up at six?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohhhhhhh the was-it-a-date trope. gotta love it, right? this chapter is just a constant facepalm but i personally love it, and it's one of my betas' favourites, so that's enough for me. also sorry this one is so short, but chapter 6 is a beast and i promise will _more_ than make up for it!
> 
> THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR YOUR COMMENTS! seriously, i'm so blown away by how many of you are liking this story. and to think, when i first wrote this i wasn't even planning on posting it. ah, how far we've come.
> 
> as always, here's my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/huahuaspassword) if you're bored :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome to chapter 6! as promised, this one is a beast (6500 words wahoooo). 
> 
> i know i describe their outfits a lot (i have an obsession, okay?) but this time i need to be very clear because i want your headcanon to be my headcanon. so, for their date, jackson looks like he did in the [poison](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKN3Mt0-hjk&ab_channel=STUDIOCHOOM%5B%EC%8A%A4%ED%8A%9C%EB%94%94%EC%98%A4%EC%B6%A4%5D) video, except that he has red hair (because the image of when he had red hair on Street Dance of China is forever imprinted in my brain). got it? good. now, enough talk.

Jackson texted Jinyoung on Friday morning to tell him something had come up and he wouldn’t be able to go to lecture that afternoon.

 _I’m giving you a heads up, so please don’t storm into my office later to yell at me_.

Jinyoung responded, _I make no such promises._

He was disappointed at first, but the thought of seeing Jackson on Saturday—for a _date_ , no less—was enough to placate him.

Saturday finally came and Jinyoung, in true Jinyoung fashion, was an anxious mess all day. Jackson hadn’t said what they were doing, but he’d assured him it wouldn’t be as fancy as last time and told him to dress comfortably. Jinyoung changed his outfit at least five times before settling on a black turtleneck and a beige suit, remembering how good Yixing had looked at Namjoon’s dinner. As he admired himself in the full-length mirror in his bedroom—something he usually avoided doing—he couldn’t help but notice the way the jacket accentuated his waist and how the pants hugged the curves of his bottom and thighs. Maybe he would look as good as Jackson tonight.

Jinyoung also made sure to eat throughout the day and promised himself he wouldn’t drink too much, he didn’t want to make the same mistake as last time. He was getting a redo of their first date and he wanted to be totally coherent.

At 5:58pm, the doorbell rang. Jinyoung opened to the door find Jackson holding a bouquet of white lilies. He looked impossibly gorgeous in a white shirt and blue suit that brought out the red of his hair. So much for Jinyoung looking as good as him.

Jackson’s eyes roved up and down Jinyoung’s body. “So, _this_ is what Professor Park wears on a date,” Jackson said, approval and a dash of hunger in his voice. “Not bad at all.”

“You’re one to talk.” Jinyoung felt himself blush, and then noticed the lilies again. “Are these for me?”

Jackson nodded. “I noticed you looking at the one at the restaurant, so I figured you liked them. Hopefully I was right?” He held out the bouquet for him. Jinyoung took it, their fingers brushing gently.

“They’re my favourite, thank you,” Jinyoung replied honestly. He was surprised Jackson was intuitive enough to realize Jinyoung liked lilies just from that passing moment at the restaurant, and it made him feel a little closer to the man. He sniffed the flowers and closed his eyes as the scent filled his nose. “That was so thoughtful of you.”

Jinyoung left the door open and turned around to reach a vase on the top shelf of one of the kitchen cabinets. When he brought it down, he turned to see Jackson’s gaze on the lower half of Jinyoung’s body, and he could only guess what he had been looked at. The thought made him feel a little sexy and a bout of jitters coursed through him. He put the flowers in the vase with some water, hands shaking a bit, and set it on the kitchen table before walking back to the front door.

“Shall we?”

Jackson only nodded, his eyes a little dazed.

* * *

The restaurant Jackson picked was located on a dock at the harbour. There were boats all along the pier and the water shone magnificently in the light of the sunset. The restaurant had fairy lights strung all over and it looked magical. Jinyoung commended Jackson on his taste, he really knew how to pick them.

The food was fantastic. The seafood tasted so fresh it could have been caught minutes before their arrival, and the white wine the server recommended—which Jinyoung was careful to only sip—was the perfect pairing. This time, they talked less about work and more about their interests and their personal lives. Jinyoung was impressed to learn that Jackson had been a fencer in university, almost choosing the Olympics over academia until he fell in love with neuroscience and psychology, though he still had a strong interest in fitness. No wonder Jackson’s body was incredible.

Anxious to get his mind _off_ Jackson’s incredible body, Jinyoung asked about Jackson’s childhood in Hong Kong. Jackson explained that his upbringing had been a challenge with his parents working so much and earning just enough for his brother and him to live, and how hard it was for him to move to Korea in high school and leave his family behind, especially knowing that every extra cent of his parents’ money went to his school tuition. Jackson said it made him determined to excel in his career and become successful enough that he could pay his parents back everything they’d given him and more. There was love and pride in his eyes when Jackson said that he’d bought his parents a new house last year, saying there was nothing he wouldn’t do for his family.

Jinyoung admired Jackson for making a huge change at such a young age—he had never even left Korea, let alone lived anywhere else—and his devotion to his family was really beautiful, nothing like how Jinyoung felt toward his aloof parents and annoying sisters. He told Jackson as much and the man laughed before changing the subject to Jinyoung’s schooling, which Jinyoung was much more excited to discuss. He told Jackson how he met Mark in grad school and became friends, and how he hired him after he finished his PhD.

“It’s awesome you had such a great supervisor, not everyone is so lucky to get hired right after graduation.”

Jinyoung nodded. “I know, it was really nice of Mark to do. He was even willing to defer my hire date after my ex and I broke up.”

Jackson looked up. “Your ex?”

Jinyoung gulped, wishing he could take back his words. This was a first date—kind of—and he was already bringing up the man who’d torn his heart to pieces. What the hell was wrong with him?

“Uh, yeah,” he continued sheepishly, “we dated for a while and then he…uh…left me right after I got my PhD.”

Jackson was silent. Jinyoung didn’t even want to look at him. It was still a little painful to talk about, but he was more ashamed than anything. He didn’t want Jackson to think Jaebeom leaving meant there was something wrong with him, something that Jackson might think was reason enough not to be with him.

“I’m sorry, Jinyoung, that’s terrible,” Jackson said, his voice laced with concern but his tone light. He was clearly trying not to put too much emphasis on it and Jinyoung appreciated it. “How long were you two together?”

“Nine years.”

“And your graduation was…”

“Almost three years ago.”

Jackson hummed in acknowledgement. “That must have been really hard.”

Jinyoung shrugged. “The first year certainly was. I declined Mark’s offer to defer my hire date and threw myself into teaching. It was the best thing for me, really. I realized that Jaebeom and I were totally wrong for each other, and by the second year I was over him completely but just not ready to start dating again. Now it’s just a little hard to talk about, but I don’t miss him anymore.” Even though he wasn’t sure if this was more detail than Jackson wanted to hear, but he felt so comfortable with him that the words just sort of spilled out. He hoped it wouldn’t scare him off.

Jinyoung looked up and was met with understanding eyes and a soft expression. “I get it. Breakups are tough. I’m sorry you had to go through that.” Jackson reached out and placed his hand over Jinyoung’s, stroking gently with his thumb. His pulse quickened at the sensation of Jackson’s large hand on his, heavy and warm and protective. He gave Jackson a small smile and felt his eyes crinkle slightly.

“It’s okay. I’m okay, I mean. But thanks.”

They sat there for a moment, Jackson still stroking Jinyoung’s hand as they stared at each other. Talking about this with Jackson was almost cathartic and Jinyoung realized the truth of the words he’d spoken. He really didn’t miss Jaebeom anymore, maybe he was ready to move on to someone new. Jinyoung couldn’t help but think that Jackson might be that someone for him, but he shoved it to the back of his mind.

The couple was brought back to earth when the server came over with the bill. Jackson pulled out his credit card without hesitation, not even looking at how much the bill was before handing it to the server. Jinyoung opened his mouth to object but Jackson held up a hand. “Don’t fight with me, Jinyoung-ah.”

“But you paid last time.”

“Last time didn’t count, remember?” Jackson countered, winking. Jinyoung thought for sure one of those winks would kill him someday.

After Jackson paid the bill, he escorted Jinyoung out and they walked aimlessly along the pier, talking about nothing and laughing about everything. Jinyoung was starting to get a little tired and checked the time. 9:14pm. He sighed, reluctant to end the night so soon, but he was usually in bed by now.

Jackson, noticing the sigh, asked, “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Jinyoung replied, his voice a little sad. “It’s getting late, but I don’t want the night to end yet.

An award-winning grin filled Jackson’s face and he giggled. “Easy there, old man, it’s nine o’clock, not midnight. There’s still plenty of night left ahead of us.”

“Old man?” Jinyoung scoffed, only half-offended. “I’m younger than you!”

“Then I’m sure you’re up for a little adventure,” Jackson challenged.

“What kind of adventure?”

* * *

The club was nothing like the other clubs Jinyoung had been to. It was more like a cross between a club and bar, with tables around the outskirts, a huge dance floor, and a small stage where a live band was playing. People were dancing but it wasn’t over-crowded. The music wasn’t too loud or obnoxious and the atmosphere was lively and spirited. It had Jackson written all over it.

“How did you find this place?” Jinyoung asked, appreciating and loving the intimate aura. “It’s…it’s perfect.”

“I live a few blocks away, actually. This is one of my favourite spots.”

Jackson pulled him to a table near the corner and then went to the bar to grab drinks. Jinyoung noticed how elegant Jackson looked leaning against the bar as he spoke to the bartender with a smile on his face, the other man laughing at something Jackson had just said. Jinyoung admired that his date could make conversation with anyone, wherever he went. He was so unlike Jinyoung, who seemed so awkward and cold in comparison. Jackson’s eyes found his and Jinyoung realized he had been staring. The bartender handed Jackson the drinks and Jackson walked over to their table. He placed a glass of white wine in front of Jinyoung and held up his own drink, something that looked like bourbon or whiskey, as if to toast them. Jinyoung raised his own glass, clinking them together lightly and then bringing the wine to his lips.

“How did you know I wouldn’t want whiskey, or whatever that is?” Jinyoung asked teasingly.

“Rum, actually. I’m not sure, I pegged you as a wine-only drinker. Was I wrong?” Jackson asked as he took another sip.

“No, you weren’t wrong,” Jinyoung admitted, irritated at himself for being so easy to read.

Jackson gave him a satisfied smile, seemingly pleased with himself. “See how well I know you already, Jinyoungie?”

Jinyoung only hmphed in response. “Maybe not as well as you think. A bar is hardly an adventure.”

“No, but dancing is—at least, it is for you.”

_Dancing?_

Jinyoung laughed in disbelief, waving his hands in front of him in protest. “Uh, no thanks. I can’t dance, and I don’t intend to learn.”

“Nonsense! Anyone can dance,” Jackson said, grabbing Jinyoung’s hand. “Come on, I’ll lead.”

As it turned out, Jackson was a great dancer. He had a natural rhythm that his body seemed to radiate—no matter what the song was, Jackson could dance to it. And Jinyoung actually felt like a half-decent dancer in Jackson’s strong arms as he led them around the dance floor in time to the upbeat swing music the band played. Sometimes Jackson twirled him around, making Jinyoung’s head feel light and airy. Other times Jackson pulled him close, his hand gripping tightly to Jinyoung’s waist. Even though Jinyoung was an inch taller than his dance partner, he was completely at Jackson’s mercy. He wasn’t sure if it was the dancing itself or just the fact that it was Jackson he was dancing with, but Jinyoung was actually enjoying himself. By the end of the sixth song, Jinyoung was sweaty and breathless, smiling and laughing like a teenager. Jackson saw Jinyoung was tired and led them back to their table, flagging the bartender to bring over some water.

Jinyoung gulped it down greedily and relished the cool, refreshing sensation that spread through his body. He took off his suit jacket, regretting wearing a turtleneck but thankful it was black and wouldn’t show evidence of his perspiration. He looked at Jackson, whose skin was shiny with sweat but his blue suit was still pristine. He, too, took off his suit jacket, and Jinyoung couldn’t stop his eyes from wandering to the many spots where Jackson’s white shirt clung to his defined muscles from the moisture.

“Let’s finish our drinks and then I’ll drive you home, I think that’s enough of an adventure for one night,” Jackson said, running his fingers through his slightly damp hair.

There it was again, that sudden bravery bursting through Jinyoung. He wondered if it was merely Jackson’s presence that gave him these spouts of courage, and said, “That’s certainly enough dancing, but I think I’m up for another adventure.”

Jackson raised an eyebrow. “I’m sure we can work something out," he said slowly. "Shall I drive you home?”

“Didn’t you say you live nearby?”

* * *

Jinyoung wasn’t sure what he had expected Jackson’s house to look like, but this wasn’t it. He lived at the end of a quiet cul-de-sac, each house with a perfectly manicured lawn and expensive cars in every driveway. Jackson’s house was no exception, but still maintained some of the man’s wildness and charm with its bright red door. The place was furnished with modern, neutral-toned pieces and accented with bold colours or patterns in the throw pillows and blankets, vases, and artwork. It was the perfect combination of elegance and comfort—just like Jackson.

“This place is amazing. You’ve got great taste,” Jinyoung said, looking around with approval. “How long have you lived here?”

“It’s been a few years now. I like it but I’m itching to switch it up.”

Jinyoung didn’t hide the surprise in his voice as he said, “Why? This is basically my dream home. If I lived here, I would never want to move.”

That seemed to please the other man. “Then let me get us some wine and I’ll give you the tour.”

Jackson opened a bottle of red wine and poured them each a glass. Jinyoung was grateful he’d only had one drink at the restaurant and one at the bar, so he was only a little buzzed and could safely have one more. Jackson took off his suit jacket and threw it over one of the chairs at the kitchen island, then escorted Jinyoung to see the rest of the house.

The main floor had an open-concept kitchen/living/dining room, a powder room, and an office. As they climbed the stairs to the second floor, Jinyoung couldn’t help but wonder what Jackson’s bedroom would look like. The upstairs had two guest rooms, a home gym, a main bathroom, and the master bedroom. Every room was impeccably clean, but Jinyoung noticed that Jackson had a lot of stuff. It was as though he kept everything he’d ever been given and never threw anything out. It was incredibly endearing and it made Jinyoung want to add something to his collection.

When Jackson opened the door to his bedroom, Jinyoung was hit with a wave of nerves. They’d just walked into two bedrooms, but this one was Jackson’s and Jinyoung was keenly aware of that fact. The room had a king-sized bed with navy blue bedsheets, two dressers, a walk-in closet, a reading chair and table in the corner, an en suite bathroom, and floor-to-ceiling windows on the far wall leading to a balcony.

Jinyoung found himself wandering over to the balcony and Jackson opened the glass door for him. Walking out into the night air, Jinyoung instantly felt at peace. It was cool but not cold, there was just a slight breeze from being on the second floor, and the view of the city with all the twinkling lights was breathtaking. He leaned his arms on the railing and he felt Jackson come to stand beside him.

“This is quite a view,” Jinyoung said after a moment.

“Yes, it is,” Jackson agreed. Jinyoung turned his head, only to see that Jackson was staring at him instead.

“Cheeky ass.” Jinyoung scoffed but smiled despite himself.

“That’s me.” Jackson smiled back, humour dancing in his eyes. He reached out and brushed a hair from Jinyoung’s forehead with his thumb, caressing down the side of his face before resting on his cheek. His eyes darkened then and his voice became low and rough. “You are quite a view, Jinyoung.”

Jinyoung felt slightly embarrassed and the jitters returned. He hadn’t had someone flirt with him so openly in a long time. “You’ve been all over the world, I’m sure you’ve seen better.”

“Nope,” Jackson refuted, inching closer with every word. Jinyoung’s mouth went dry and his heart raced. “Even the Mona Lisa doesn’t hold a candle to you.”

“I’m not sure I trust your judgement then,” Jinyoung said, intending to be playful, but his tone held no amusement. He could see their breath mingling in the crisp air.

Jackson clicked his tongue. “You said yourself I have great taste.” Then he moved his hand to the back of Jinyoung’s neck and closed the distance between them.

When their lips met, Jinyoung felt like a fire ignited in the pit of his stomach. The cool night breeze was replaced with a heat so overwhelming he thought he might combust. Jackson’s lips were soft and full as they pressed against his, lightly at first, testing, as his other hand moved to Jinyoung’s waist. Jinyoung tried to ignore the warmth that only seemed to surge with every point of contact and brought his own hands to cup Jackson’s face, pulling him in closer. Jackson responded by deepening the kiss, running his tongue along Jinyoung’s lips until they opened for him. He swept inside and Jinyoung was hit with a medley of tastes entering his mouth. The combination of flavours was so uniquely Jackson that Jinyoung was instantly intoxicated.

Jackson’s hands began exploring Jinyoung’s body, wasting no time to settle on Jinyoung’s round ass, caressing gently but with longing in every touch. After a few careful grazes, Jackson gave one cheek a particularly tight squeeze and Jinyoung gasped against his mouth. Clearly pleased by the reaction, Jackson continued to toy with Jinyoung’s curves, alternating between tender caresses and more aggressive groping. Every touch sent waves of ecstasy through Jinyoung and he suddenly felt the raging need inside him swell to the surface. He began moving his hands down Jackson’s body, along his wide shoulders and defined arms, his firm chest, his hard abdominal muscles, and— _oh_ —the impressive bulge currently fighting with the fabric of his suit pants. It jerked a little in response to Jinyoung’s light touch, and Jinyoung was delighted.

“Someone’s getting excited,” he teased.

“I blame your ass,” Jackson said, as he kissed Jinyoung’s jawline from his mouth to his ear. “Your beautiful, magnificent, should-be-illegal ass.”

Jinyoung would have laughed, but that husky voice was speaking right against his ear and sending shivers all the way through him with each word. He let out a soft noise of pleasure instead and Jackson sucked on the lobe of his ear, licking and teasing as even more tremors shot through him. He moaned again, impatient to feel every inch of Jackson’s impressive body against him, and untucked Jackson’s shirt, running his hands up his perfect abdomen. Jackson growled at the sensation of Jinyoung’s hands against his skin and gripped his ass with both hands, then lifted him up with ease. Jinyoung instinctively wrapped his legs around the man’s torso and his arms around his neck, bringing their mouths together once again. Their kisses were hungry with anticipation and excitement as Jackson effortlessly carried Jinyoung back inside and laid him down on the bed.

Jackson settled his strong body on top of his, their hips fitting together perfectly as Jinyoung’s legs still hugged Jackson’s waist. They continued devouring each other’s mouths and Jackson ground his hips, letting Jinyoung feel that imposing length beneath his pants once again. Jinyoung’s own cock throbbed at the contact, itching for more. Jackson pulled back for a moment to rest on his knees as he removed his shirt, and Jinyoung was presented with a glorious view of toned muscles and tanned skin. How Jackson managed to be so perfect, Jinyoung would never know. And all he wanted to do was lick every inch of him.

Jinyoung couldn’t wait any longer. He sat up to meet Jackson where he knelt, arms wrapping around his neck once again as he kissed him wildly. He pressed his hands against Jackson’s chest, urging him to lie back. Jackson obeyed and his delight at Jinyoung’s initiative was unmistakable. Jinyoung began to kiss and lick every inch of Jackson’s upper body, just as he had wanted, as Jackson’s scent of autumn and wood and spices drove Jinyoung insane. His skin tasted slightly salty from sweat but it only turned Jinyoung on further. He became more aggressive with his kisses and even bit lightly as he moved down his body. Jackson’s breath was heavy and he moaned softly as Jinyoung sucked on a particularly sensitive spot at his hip bone. Jinyoung liked the sound of it and decided he wanted to hear it again and again.

He reached Jackson’s pants and unhooked the clasp, undoing the zipper painfully slowly. Jackson’s wild eyes met Jinyoung’s as he realized the game he was playing. Those eyes pleaded and threatened and begged and demanded, but Jinyoung ignored them and continued his teasing. He slowly hiked down Jackson’s pants and bent down to press his lips against that hard cock still confined within his boxer-briefs. His warm breath elicited another soft moan from above, this time laced with frustration and arousal. Jinyoung smirked. Then he pulled down the waistband of Jackson’s underwear and let his cock spring free. Jackson’s breath hitched. Jinyoung lowered his head, his lips puckered slightly, as he moved to kiss the head of Jackson’s cock, his eyes never leaving Jackson’s. He could see those eyes grow wide in anticipation and Jinyoung let out a hot breath only millimetres away from the tender skin—making Jackson shiver underneath him—until he moved his head quickly to press his lips to Jackson’s hip instead.

“ _Fuck_ , Jinyoungie, now you’re just being cruel.”

Jinyoung giggled against Jackson’s skin, continuing to kiss all the tender areas around his hips and purposefully ignoring the part Jackson so desperately wanted him to pay attention to. It twitched as if to illustrate Jackson’s desire, and Jinyoung finally grabbed the shaft with his hand. “So impatient,” he chided. Jackson growled.

Then he finally took Jackson into his mouth. The man let out a long sigh of pleasure as Jinyoung moved his lips down the shaft, sucking lightly and using his tongue to trace lines along it. Jackson was bigger than he’d anticipated, so he used his hand to massage the few inches at the base that he couldn’t fit in his mouth. Jackson brought his hands up to stroke Jinyoung’s hair as he sucked and licked and kissed every inch of Jackson’s length. He was so hard and his taste made Jinyoung so filled with lust that he increased his pace instinctually. Jackson’s breathing quickened and Jinyoung could feel the grip on his head tighten. Those solid hands started to guide Jinyoung’s mouth up and down, getting lower and lower each time until Jinyoung relaxed his throat to fit the entirety of Jackson’s cock into his mouth. Jinyoung settled himself there and Jackson took the cue to snap his hips up to fuck him deeper. Jinyoung was thankful he’d never had issues with a gag reflex since he wanted every inch of Jackson inside him. Jackson continued to fuck him like that, watching Jinyoung take his entire cock down his throat as he looked up at him with glassy eyes. The look on Jackson’s face was so hot that Jinyoung couldn’t help but let out a moan as Jackson got closer to his climax and his thrusts grew in intensity. But Jinyoung didn’t want to stop yet, so he pulled away, his lips making a wet pop as he released the head. Jackson made a sound that had Jinyoung wanting to swallow him right back up again—pleasure and need and everything else Jinyoung wanted him to feel—but he also needed a breather after being thoroughly face-fucked like that.

“Holy shit, Jinyoung,” Jackson breathed, “you are so fucking hot.”

Jinyoung was busy twirling his tongue around the head of Jackson’s delicious cock in lazy circles but responded by flicking his tongue against a particularly sensitive spot. Jackson moaned again. He continued to tease the head with his mouth, sucking and popping his lips against it as he worked the shaft with his hand, now slick with pre-come and his own saliva. Jackson’s noises grew as he tightened his grip and started moving his head up and down the length once again. Jinyoung started moaning despite himself, with more enthusiasm this time, at how aroused he was and how much he was enjoying this. Jackson somehow became even harder hearing Jinyoung’s eager sounds of pleasure, which only turned Jinyoung on more.

“Don’t stop,” Jackson begged. “Fuck, I’m so close.”

This time, Jinyoung obeyed, sucking harder and moving his lips along Jackson’s impossibly hard cock as fast as his neck would allow. When Jackson finally found his release, he let out of groan of pleasure so sexy Jinyoung thought he might come too from the sound alone. Warm liquid filled his mouth but he continued his work until Jackson’s sounds became more frantic as he became overstimulated. Jinyoung slowed, pulling back and releasing Jackson with another pop of his lips. He swallowed Jackson’s come, which tasted surprisingly delicious—a bit fruity, actually—and then he laid down beside Jackson.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted you to do that,” Jackson laughed. He turned to look at Jinyoung, eyes lidded and satisfied. Then his gaze roamed Jinyoung’s body and his brows wrinkled. “Why on earth are you still dressed when I’m naked?”

Jinyoung levelled him with a look. “You were more concerned with getting my mouth on your dick than getting my clothes off.”

“Your fault completely. Who knew your mouth would be as distracting as your ass?”

With that, Jackson pulled Jinyoung in by his shirt, tongue exploring Jinyoung’s mouth as if to try and taste himself. He peeled off Jinyoung’s turtleneck and began planting kisses on his finally bare chest and abdomen, and then all but ripped off his pants.

“You really need to learn to be more patient,” Jinyoung observed.

“I’m just not a tease like you,” Jackson retorted. “You’ll thank me for it in a second.”

Jinyoung opened his mouth to protest but Jackson grabbed his cock and closed his mouth around it, and Jinyoung moaned instead. The wet heat of Jackson’s mouth made a wave of arousal wash over him, threatening to drown him in euphoria and need. His breath hitched and his hands clenched the bedsheets at his side as he sent up both silent curses and prayers of thanks to whatever force of the universe brought him Jackson Wang’s fucking tongue. Jinyoung wasn’t as large as Jackson, and it seemed that Jackson was better at this anyway, because Jackson had no problems fitting Jinyoung’s entire length into his mouth right away. He hummed lightly as he sucked, sending vibrations throughout Jinyoung’s body. He grabbed Jinyoung’s legs and spread them wider, digging his fingers hard into Jinyoung’s thighs. He was so much more aggressive than Jinyoung had been and Jinyoung was loving every second of it. He adored the idea of being completely pliant and malleable to allow Jackson to do as he wished.

Jackson pumped Jinyoung’s dick in his hand and then sucked on one of his balls, gently at first and then harder. Jinyoung swore after one particularly strong suck and Jackson smirked.

“Asshole,” Jinyoung said, though his raspy voice held no bite.

“You read my mind.”

Then Jackson spit on his fingers—which Jinyoung found surprisingly sexy—and began to rub Jinyoung’s entrance, even as he returned his mouth to Jinyoung’s cock. Jackson’s fingers worked him open smoothly and he slipped one inside. Jinyoung gasped at the sudden fullness he felt from Jackson’s large finger and the slight burning sensation at the stretch. Jackson pushed in and out until he could feel the muscles become more relaxed, then spit again and slid in a second finger. Jackson pushed against his walls already, the stretch significant and aching, but Jinyoung still wanted more. He wanted everything Jackson was willing to give him.

“More. Please,” Jinyoung begged.

Jackson pulled off his cock long enough to say, “Now look who’s impatient,” before coating his fingers in even more saliva and gliding a third finger inside, then continuing his work with his mouth.

Jinyoung couldn’t hold back the slurry of noises that erupted from his throat. Between Jackson’s huge fingers fucking into him and Jackson’s godsend-of-a-mouth sucking him off, Jinyoung was basically shaking with ecstasy. He had already been halfway to his climax from going down on Jackson—and Jackson was so damn _good_ at this—so it didn’t take long to bring him over the edge. He cried out, the orgasm shattering through his body as Jackson drove his fingers into Jinyoung harder and sucked fervently on his length. He kept going even after the orgasm had ended, clearly wanting to punish Jinyoung for his teasing him earlier. Jinyoung whined in frustration as the pleasure turned to discomfort and then mild pain, and he would’ve been annoyed if Jackson hadn’t just given him such a mind-blowing orgasm. He began to push Jackson away half-heartedly, who finally conceded and switched to licking him gently along his shaft and then sucking out the remainder of his come with care. He slowly removed his fingers and Jinyoung immediately missed their presence, feeling weak as the after-effect of the orgasm hit him.

“Just when I think I’m better than you at something, you go ahead and do _that_.”

Jackson laughed all the way to the bathroom as he went to clean himself up. Jinyoung was tempted to let himself succumb to the fatigue and the comfort of the bed, but reluctantly sat up, desperate to wash the sweat off of him. “Would you mind if I take a shower?”

Jackson popped his head out of the bathroom. “Not if I can join you.”

* * *

Jinyoung woke up the next morning feeling incredible.

His definitely-a-date with Jackson had been one of the best nights of his life. After their bedroom escapades, they’d cleaned themselves up in Jackson’s amazing shower—it was one of those rain showers and Jinyoung had decided he needed to immediately install one in his own bathroom—and they had spent extra long making sure that every inch of them was washed and scrubbed. Jackson had particularly enjoyed pouring a ridiculous amount of body wash all over Jinyoung’s ass and then “helping” him wash it off.

After the shower, Jackson had given him a pair of his pajamas—but only after Jinyoung had insisted that no, he did not want to sleep nude, much to Jackson’s dismay. The fabric was soft and smelled like its owner, giving Jinyoung all sorts of butterflies. He got into bed and nestled his back against Jackson, who promptly wrapped an arm around his body and intertwined their fingers together. Jackson hummed softly against Jinyoung’s neck, the husky sound and vibration of his throat on his skin calming Jinyoung even further. He felt safe and warm and impossibly happy, and it was not long before he fell into a deep sleep.

Now he was awake, his head on Jackson’s chest as Jackson snored lightly above him. Jinyoung was a heavy sleeper, so if Jackson had snored all night, he hadn’t noticed or cared. He took a moment to appreciate how adorable and angelic the man looked in his sleep before kissing his bare chest—Jackson slept shirtless, because apparently there was a god—trying to wake him gently. As Jinyoung’s kisses reached his neck, he stirred slightly and Jinyoung was delighted at the sweet little sleepy noises that left his mouth. He continued upward along his neck, his jaw, and then his lips. When he reached them, Jackson stopped stirring completely and Jinyoung wondered if he’d fallen back asleep. He kissed him again, and then Jackson attacked, flipping them to climb on top of him, laughing and kissing him playfully. Jinyoung laughed too, complete adoration running through him at how lively and fun Jackson made even the smallest things.

“Good morning, Jinyoungie,” Jackson said sleepily between kisses.

“Good morning, Jackson.”

“You look really hot without your glasses,” Jackson said, his tone becoming ravenous. He began running his hands over Jinyoung’s body. “And I love how you look in my clothes.”

“Easy there, tiger,” Jinyoung said as he pulled Jackson’s hands off of him, earning a pout in response. “We slept in, it’s already nine o’clock. I have a ton of marking to do today.”

Jackson groaned and rolled off, and Jinyoung couldn’t help but notice the tent forming in his pants. He forced himself to look away for fear of never leaving this bed. “Only you could think that waking up at nine means sleeping in. But fine, if you’re students are more important than me, I’ll get you home to your precious marking.” He said the last part in a mocking tone.

“Your generosity knows no limits,” Jinyoung deadpanned, ignoring Jackson’s teasing. “Besides, I’m sure you’d like your house back now. I don’t want to overstay my welcome.”

Jackson sat up instantly, taking Jinyoung’s face in his hands. “You could never,” he said, his voice serious. “You are always welcome here, or wherever I am.”

Jinyoung was a little taken aback by the words, it seemed like something one might say on a fifth or even tenth date, certainly not a first-but-actually-second date. But, even so, Jackson’s words made something in Jinyoung stir. He noticed his heart was suddenly unbearably full and he felt happier than he’d been in a long time. He didn’t know what to say so he just kissed Jackson, letting his lips portray what his words couldn’t. Jackson kissed him back and held Jinyoung tightly, his arms protective and caring.

Jinyoung realized suddenly how easy it would be to fall in love with this man.

* * *

Jackson drove Jinyoung home, though not without some more protests and attempts to coax him back to bed. Jinyoung commended himself on his willpower, especially when one of those attempts involved Jackson’s fantastic shower.

Looking around his house, which now felt so drab in comparison, Jinyoung realized how much he hated living here and how much happier he had been at Jackson’s. He wondered for a moment if that meant he wanted to live with Jackson, but decided it was probably just a sign that he needed to find a new house.

After all, they’d known each other for less than eight months and had only been on one—well, two—dates. Still, it felt different with Jackson. Jinyoung was so comfortable with him and everything seemed so effortless when they were together. He felt like Jackson really knew him and he never needed to pretend to be anything else. He’d never felt that way about anyone before.

An image of Jaebeom flashed in Jinyoung’s mind. _No_ , he told himself, _not even Jaebeom_. The realization was shocking but also incredibly exciting. Jinyoung was proud of himself. He really was moving on.

Later, Jinyoung called Mark and told him everything—giving him the abbreviated version of their bedroom activities—and Mark was genuinely happy for him. He did make a few sly comments about how he’d known this would happen and teased Jinyoung for his past hatred of his new crush, but Jinyoung just hung up on him. For the rest of the day, Jinyoung rode his Jackson high and he prayed he would never come down. Even marking papers felt fun instead of tedious and he noticed himself being particularly generous with his comments and grades, but he didn’t care.

At dinnertime, Jackson sent Jinyoung a text and Jinyoung almost burned himself on his stove trying to grab his phone.

_Hey, Jinyoungie! I had the best time last night (and this morning, even though you didn’t let me have my fun). I hope we can do it again soon! I wanted to give you a heads up that I’ll be out of town for the week and won’t be at lecture on Friday. Can I make it up to you with dinner on Saturday? <3_

Jinyoung smiled like a fool as he read the text, giggling and hugging his phone to his chest. He took a breath and typed out a response:

_Hi Jackson, I had a great time too. Thanks for the warning about lecture on Friday. Saturday sounds great, but I hope you know you’ll need more than dinner to make it up to me…_

It only took a few seconds before the reply came in:

_Fucking hell, Jinyoung. Why are you such a tease???_

Jinyoung laughed, pleased at the reactions he could elicit from Jackson.

 _You love it,_ he responded.

_I really do._

With that, Jinyoung put down his phone and tried to calm his heart, which was now threatening to beat out of his chest. He ate dinner and finished up his marking. He couldn’t stop staring at the lilies Jackson had given him, now fully bloomed in the vase on the kitchen table.

At 8:05pm, his phone rang. Jinyoung’s heart started to race at the thought that it was Jackson on the other end and he grabbed his phone with a huge smile on his face.

It wasn’t Jackson. It wasn’t even a number Jinyoung had saved in his phone. He thought for a moment that perhaps it was a telemarketer, until he looked at the number more closely. His smile faltered immediately. He knew that phone number. He knew that phone number very well.

It was Jaebeom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if there's anything i've learned from chinese dramas it's that when things are going really well it usually means someone is about to die. my boys were just too happy for a bit too long, and we couldn't have that, now could we? ;) i had one commenter predict Jaebeom's return, but i'm curious to hear if anyone else did too!
> 
> also! explicitness! this was my first time writing smut so i won't be offended if you hated it, just remember not to tell me. but hopefully you liked it, in which case, please do tell me.
> 
> i think i'm going to let you all stew for a bit after this one and i will wait a little longer than usual to post the next chapter. why? why not _shrugs_ if it bothers you, feel free to come yell at me about it on [Twitter!](https://twitter.com/huahuaspassword)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I named chapters, I would call this one "The History of Jinyoung and Jaebeom", because that's pretty much what it is. I hope you enjoy backstory!
> 
> I'd like to preface this chapter by saying that I love Jaebeom. I really do. That is all.

Jinyoung was fifteen years old when he met Jaebeom.

One November day, the school was abuzz with talk of a new transfer student that had just arrived. Apparently, he was insanely attractive and had everyone swooning. Jinyoung had never been one to participate in gossip, and he didn’t have friends to gossip with anyway, so he ignored the rumours about the new student.

He’d certainly never expected to fall in love with him.

When Jaebeom walked into senior math class that day, which Jinyoung was taking to get ahead, the only open spot was in the front row right beside Jinyoung—since no one ever wanted to sit with the sophomore who was smart enough to be in a senior class. Jaebeom was dangerously handsome with his leather jacket and slicked back hair and Jinyoung fell for him immediately. He’d never thought Jaebeom would reciprocate his feelings, or even ever talk to him, but after their first test, Jaebeom noticed that Jinyoung was good at math and asked him to be his tutor.

Jinyoung never understood how or why Jaebeom fell in love with him. He was a mousy kid, very skinny and nerdy looking, with thick glasses and big ears. Jaebeom was, well, the opposite, and Jinyoung was infatuated with everything about him. He was solidly built and had sharp features, hair flowing past his ears, and an insanely sexy anti-eyebrow piercing. Confidence and charisma radiated off of him in waves, and with the way he flipped his hair out of his eyes, it was obvious he’d done modeling. And yet, Jaebeom was intrigued by Jinyoung. Perhaps it was his shyness, his intelligence, or his wit—or maybe a combination of it all—but Jaebeom couldn’t stay away. As they got to know each other through their tutoring, the two boys fell in love.

By January, their relationship was in full swing and they didn’t try to hide it. They were one of the only gay couples in their school, but they never got bullied for it because Jaebeom was popular and handsome—not to mention intimidating. He was also on the football team, so he was pretty much untouchable. Jinyoung was on the debate team and was used to being bullied often, but all that ended once word got out that Jaebeom was his boyfriend. The older boy was more than a little hot-headed, so if he ever saw or heard about someone bullying Jinyoung, that kid usually ended up with more than a few bruises.

Maybe it was the end of the bullying, or maybe it was the fact that Jinyoung had finally started to feel loved, but being with Jaebeom gave him a new sense of self. Jaebeom became his first for everything—first kiss, first boyfriend, first lover. They started off slow, since Jaebeom was older and didn’t want to pressure Jinyoung, but when Jinyoung turned sixteen he decided he was ready. Jaebeom had had sex with girls before he met Jinyoung, but it was his first time with a guy, so it was still special for both of them.

After Jaebeom graduated, he stayed in the city for university to be closer to Jinyoung while he finished high school. Things weren’t much different except that they no longer had classes together. Jinyoung kept thinking that Jaebeom would leave him for some hot college student, waiting for the day when Jaebeom would tell him it was over—but it didn’t come.

When Jinyoung graduated two years later, he received lots of offers to universities overseas and was tempted to go since he’d never left Korea. Jaebeom supported him like the angel he was, but the thought of leaving Jaebeom, of what that might do to their relationship, made Jinyoung worried and sad. So he declined the overseas offers and chose to stay close to home, close to his love. Besides, Jaebeom had stayed for him, so it was the least he could do.

Jinyoung did his undergraduate degree, his master’s degree, and then his PhD. Meanwhile, Jaebeom had finished college before Jinyoung was done his undergrad and started working for a music producer in the city. It was a busier time for Jinyoung, but Jaebeom found little ways of staying present and supporting him by walking him home after classes or bringing dinner to his office when he was working late.

When Jinyoung started his master’s program, the two decided to move in together. At first, things were great. Jinyoung loved having the independence of living on his own with his boyfriend, having only ever lived with his parents. The issues started about a year into them living together. Jinyoung was doing so well in his program that he was able to finish his master’s early and start his PhD. He was even on track to finish his PhD in only two years, which was unheard of but doable given that Jinyoung was so gifted. The downside was that he needed to spend more time in the lab, TAing classes, or at the library. Jinyoung felt awful that he was barely home, but he knew Jaebeom would understand.

Jaebeom, however, was slowly watching his boyfriend become more and more successful while he stayed at the same level at his company. He saw Jinyoung receive award after award, scholarship after scholarship, while he was never recognized or appreciated by his managers. He began to feel intimidated by Jinyoung and felt that Jinyoung was too good for him, which was something he’d never thought before. He began to be less openly supportive of Jinyoung’s scholarly activities—not unsupportive, but less enthusiastic. He slowly stopped walking Jinyoung home from classes and the dinners in his office became few and far between. When Jinyoung would apply for travel scholarships or talk about the new research projects he wanted to start, Jaebeom would get short with him, impatiently telling him to do whatever he wanted. Jinyoung knew his boyfriend had issues with anger and it usually came out when he couldn’t make sense of the complex emotions he was feeling, so he thought Jaebeom was sad that he was spending so little time with him. Jaebeom soon began to make small comments about how Jinyoung shouldn’t apply for travel scholarships, how he should avoid running too many research projects at once and reduce his TA hours. He claimed it was for Jinyoung’s own good that he made these suggestions, he wanted him to be less stressed—but everything conveniently kept Jinyoung from getting too ahead in his career or spending too much time away from Jaebeom. Jinyoung could never say no to his boyfriend, so he agreed without a fight every time. Mark, however, started to become skeptical.

After noticing how Jinyoung was essentially sabotaging his career for his boyfriend, Mark became more suspicious that Jaebeom wasn’t good for Jinyoung. He attempted to broach the subject—gently—to Jinyoung on a few occasions, explaining that if Jaebeom truly loved him he would support him in his career no matter what, but Jinyoung always dismissed him without a second thought.

During the last year of Jinyoung’s PhD, Jaebeom started to think about proposing to Jinyoung. They’d talked about it a lot, but Jinyoung had always said he wanted to finish school first. He didn’t want any distractions. So Jaebeom waited patiently for Jinyoung to graduate, and, as the date got closer, Jaebeom started to second-guess things. For some reason he’d always thought that once Jinyoung graduated, things would be better. But as Jinyoung spoke about his plans after graduation to start working for Mark as a professor and the new research endeavours he intended to launch, Jaebeom realized that things would never be like how they were in high school. Jinyoung would continue with his academic activities, likely quickly accelerating through his promotions and tenure, while Jaebeom would stay where he was. For the rest of his life, he would live in Jinyoung’s shadow. Unable to hide much of his internal struggle, Jaebeom began to act strangely. His moods started to turn more sour, his affections less enthusiastic, his kisses less loving. Jinyoung shrugged off the odd behaviours with whatever reasoning made sense at the time; work was stressful, he hadn’t slept well, someone had just asked him why he liked mint chocolate. Because despite the fact that Jinyoung was so successful in his own right, winning enough scholarships and awards to give him a free ride for the rest of his program, Jinyoung still worshipped the ground Jaebeom walked on.

To Jinyoung, he could do no wrong.

To Jinyoung, he would always be that mysterious transfer student who for some reason wanted _him_.

To Jinyoung, Jaebeom was his first and last, his one and only.

Graduation day came and Jinyoung was the happiest he thought he’d ever be. His family, Mark, and Jaebeom all attended the ceremony, so proud of their little Jinyoungie who was now all grown up. Jaebeom was particularly affectionate, joking and laughing and peppering Jinyoung with celebratory kisses, and Jinyoung thought that maybe things were getting better.

A week later, Jaebeom told Jinyoung that he had fallen out of love with him.

He said it had started months ago and he didn’t think it was fair to stay in a relationship that was one-sided. When Jinyoung asked for an explanation, Jaebeom only said that it was too hard to love someone who made him feel like a failure. This shattered Jinyoung’s heart. He explained that he’d never seen Jaebeom like that and he was sorry for making him feel that way. He begged him to stay, saying that he would be better, he would do more. He was done school now, but he could be a stay-at-home husband if Jaebeom wanted and Jaebeom could be the breadwinner. Jinyoung didn’t care as long as they could be together. But Jaebeom had made his decision and was unmoved by Jinyoung’s pleas. He’d already packed his things and he left that day.

Jinyoung thought he would never recover from that heartbreak. Jaebeom had been so much more than a boyfriend. He had grown up with him through such formative years and created so many behaviours and habits under Jaebeom’s influence. The person Jinyoung was had been shaped because of Jaebeom, so with Jaebeom out of his life, Jinyoung didn’t even know who he was anymore. For a month, Jinyoung was an absolute mess. Even Mark couldn’t get through to him.

After that first dark patch, Jinyoung decided to get his life together. The good thing was that Jinyoung was now a psychology professor, and he felt he had all the resources to help himself come out of this on the other side. He began researching about the psychology of heartbreak and learning about coping mechanisms and steps to overcome it. He listened to Mark’s concerns about Jaebeom’s unsupportive behaviour and Jinyoung started to see the signs he’d been blind to for the past few years. He went to a psychologist twice a week, then weekly, and then monthly, before finally Jinyoung felt that he no longer needed help. Almost exactly one year later, Jinyoung deemed himself cured from his Jaebeom-induced illness. The thought of dating again was still completely off the table—in fact, Jinyoung was perfectly content with the very real possibility that he would never find love again. What mattered was that he had gotten through this, he had survived, and Jaebeom was out of his life for good.

* * *

When Jinyoung saw Jaebeom’s number on the screen, he considered shoving his phone in a drawer and walking away.

In hindsight, he really wished he had.

The phone rang once, twice, three times, and Jinyoung knew it wouldn’t ring a fourth. He wasn’t sure what compelled him to click on the green phone icon instead of the red, but before he knew it he was bringing the phone to his ear.

Then he heard the voice that had haunted him for the past three years.

“Please, Jinyoungie, I just want to talk.”

_Jinyoungie?_

He was livid. Jaebeom had no right to come back into his life completely out of the blue and call him _Jinyoungie_.

“Don’t call me that, hyung,” Jinyoung spat. “In fact, don’t call me again.”

“Sorry! Jinyoung,” Jaebeom said quickly. Desperately. “Please don’t hang up, I really just want to talk.”

“I don’t want to hear what you have to say,” Jinyoung fumed. “I don’t want to hear your stupid voice. I want you to crawl back into whatever hellhole you came out of and stay there.”

He was about to hang up, he even brought the phone away from his ear to do so, but then he heard it—small and shy, and yet enough to unravel Jinyoung completely:

“I regretted it the minute I left.”

Jinyoung paused. He brought the phone back to his ear but said nothing.

“I made a mistake, Jinyoung,” Jaebeom continued when he realized Jinyoung was still on the line. “You were the best thing I ever had. Leaving you was the biggest mistake of my life.”

Jinyoung took a deep breath and closed his eyes. In that first month, or even the first year, after Jaebeom left, Jinyoung had imagined him crawling back to say sorry, to beg for another chance. In his daydreams, he would slap his ex, spit on him, tell him to fuck off, kick him down the stairs. But Jinyoung was braver in his mind than in the real world, and having the scene unfold outside his imagination was an entirely different thing. A part of him—a big part—wanted to hang up and never think about Jaebeom again. But at the same time…

He hadn’t heard a word from Jaebeom for three years, Jinyoung wanted to know what he had to say. They had been together for nine years after all… He deserved to give them both some closure.

“Fine,” he said, not kindly. “You have one minute.”

Jinyoung heard a sigh of relief and hopefulness.

“Jinyoung, I miss you,” Jaebeom said in that same small voice. “I’ve missed you every day since I left, every day for the past three years. I thought I would be able to get over you, I thought I would be able to forget, but I couldn’t, and I didn’t.”

A pause.

“I’m still in love with you.”

Jinyoung was grateful he was sitting down, otherwise he would surely have fallen over. “Jaebeom, you left me because you fell out of love with me,” he said evenly. “By definition, that means you already were over me. So whatever love you think you’re feeling now, I’m sure you’ll fall right back out of it soon enough.”

“I was an idiot back then,” Jaebeom said after a short pause. He sounded hurt but Jinyoung steeled himself. He knew he had to stay strong. The moment he let the man in just a little bit, Jinyoung would be in trouble. “I think I was just so upset watching you become so successful while I was such a nobody that it made me resent you or something. I started seeing you as a reminder of my failures and it hurt. I guess at the time it felt like the love was gone, but after I left I realized that it had been there all along. I missed you so much it hurt. I wanted to come to you and beg you to take me back, but I knew I didn’t deserve it. So I decided I would become a man who was worthy of you and then I would win you back.” He paused, apparently waiting for Jinyoung to say something.

“Is that it?”

“No! That’s not it.” Jaebeom’s voice was frantic. He seemed so out of sorts and it was throwing Jinyoung off. This was not the Jaebeom he was used to. “I’m sorry. I had a whole speech prepared, but once I heard your voice…fuck, I just miss you so much, Jinyoung.”

Jinyoung scoffed, even as his heart started to beat a little faster.

“Listen,” Jaebeom continued, his voice steadier now. “I’ve been working on myself. My therapist says I’ve come really far. I started my own music label and it’s doing really well. I’m making good money, Jinyoungie—sorry, Jinyoung—and I’ll be able to support you now. I can be the partner you always wanted me to be.”

Jinyoung couldn’t believe this was actually happening. His closed his eyes and let out a long breath. As much as he wanted to hang up on Jaebeom, there were things he wanted to say too. Things he’d never had the chance to voice. “I was so in love with you I would’ve moved heaven and earth if you’d asked it of me. You never needed to be something else, hyung, you just needed to stay.” He choked a little on the last part.

Jaebeom let out a noise, something between frustration and longing. “I’m so sorry I didn’t see that. I was just so scared that you would wake up one day and realize you deserved better than me.”

“But I had no idea you felt that way until you broke up with me,” Jinyoung insisted, and he felt ashamed of how his voice became a little more whiny, a little more like that teenager he’d once been.

“I know,” Jaebeom said, his tone was more determined now. “I was young and stupid. But I don’t want to make excuses anymore, Jinyoung. I’m a better person now and I can be a better partner. I know I can make you happy this time.”

Jinyoung shook his head, too overwhelmed to articulate how he was feeling. He’d wanted closure, not…whatever this was.

“I’m not giving up, Jinyoung,” Jaebeom continued. “I’ll wait for you for as long as it takes. I let you go once before and I’m not letting it happen again.”

“You can’t just shove your way into my life and expect me to take you back,” Jinyoung protested. “I’m not the same person I was when we were together. I’ve grown and I’ve moved on. I-I’m with someone else now.”

The other line went deadly quiet. Jinyoung wondered if Jaebeom had hung up until his voice cut through the silence, raspy and a little annoyed. “You’re dating again?” Jinyoung knew Jaebeom’s jaw was clenched.

Jinyoung glanced at the lilies on the kitchen table in front of him. He tried to hold his voice steady but his dry throat didn’t obey. “Yes, I am.”

“Is it serious?”

He didn’t know how to answer that. It felt serious to him, but they’d only been on two dates, and he wasn’t about to tell that to Jaebeom.

“I’ll take that as a no,” Jaebeom said in response to Jinyoung’s hesitation. His voice turned sly for just a moment.

“I don’t need to explain anything to you,” Jinyoung spat again, hardening his resolve. “The point you need to understand is that we’re done. You ended it a long time ago. I’ve moved on and I’m happy now. This conversation is over.”

“Jinyoung, please,” Jaebeom said quickly, “I know it’s hard because I hurt you so bad. But if you can find the strength to forgive me, I think we can make it this time. Let me come over, please, I think once you see me you’ll remember how good we are together.”

Jinyoung shook his head fervently. “I-I don’t want that, hyung. I don’t want to see you.” He struggled to get out the words, too overwhelmed with the reality of what was happening.

“You don’t mean that,” Jaebeom said, his voice gentle but insistent. “I know there’s still something between us. I’m going to come see you, Jinyoung, soon.” A pause. “Do you still live at our old place?”

The question hung heavy in the air as Jinyoung opened his mouth to respond and then firmly closed it again. _Shit_.

“I can’t believe you still live there.” Jaebeom seemed too pleased for Jinyoung’s liking. Then his voice became dark. “Do you still sleep in our bed, too?”

_Shit_.

The questions caught Jinyoung completely off-guard. He didn’t know what to say. Jaebeom would see through a lie and get the wrong idea—but _not_ saying anything was probably doing just as much damage.

_Shit shit shit shit shit._

The emotions were too much for Jinyoung now, they boiled to the surface and threatened to drown him. He needed to hang up, and he needed to do it now. Jinyoung summoned the strongest voice he could muster and said, “Do not contact me again.”

Then he hung up.

In the silence of his lonely house, Jinyoung started to cry. He collapsed forward onto the kitchen table and wept into his arms. He didn’t know if it had been minutes or hours, but eventually he stopped, the smell of the lilies lulling him into a fitful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How are we feeling? This was a bit of a heavier chapter than the others, but I'm sure you knew the emotions had to come some time, right? I'm a sucker for drama so I wanted to be sure I had some. It's pretty much all drama from here on out hehehe
> 
> Re: the preface, I wanted to make sure everyone knows I love Jaebeom because I made him a little savage with how he broke up with Jinyoung. Hopefully his savagery doesn't offend anyone, because I'm just getting started. YAY
> 
> Also I think it's important for me to note that the JJP relationship is based on a real relationship/breakup a friend of mine went through. Just wanted it to be out there. Breakups fucking suck y'all *shrugs*


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel compelled to say again that i _really_ do love jaebeom. i think he's the sweetest muffin and best boi. really i do.
> 
> BUT.
> 
> i also think he's got the potential to be a fantastic villain. i mean, just watch the if you do mv or the [growl](https://twitter.com/JAYBDAILY/status/1359252217329557511) he does when they perform hard carry and tell me he doesn't have that villain energy. that's right, you can't.
> 
> in case you didn't see the tags, there is a non-con kiss in this chapter. as much as i hate spoilers, i also want to make sure that's out in the open in case it's a trigger for anyone. take care of yourselves!

Jinyoung tried his best not to think about Jaebeom. It was bad enough that his ex-boyfriend had called him completely out of the blue and begged him to get back together, but his words had uncovered something in Jinyoung he’d thought was long dead.

It wasn’t that Jinyoung wanted to get back with him—he really didn’t—but the 15-year-old who fell in love with Jaebeom was still there, deep down. That little mousy kid who somehow managed to get a god to notice him, to befriend him, to love him. That teenager had believed he would live the rest of his life with Jaebeom, so now that he was back and offering him everything he’d ever wanted…it was just a hard thing to wrap his head around.

Jinyoung’s schedule was incredibly busy on Monday with his lectures and office hours, so he was distracted enough not to think about his predicament. Jackson texted him to wish him a good week and that he missed him and Jinyoung sent a response to the same effect, even as the words weighed heavily on him. It had only been two dates but Jinyoung was really falling for him. He had such a hard time talking to people, and yet with Jackson it was effortless. He’d never felt so comfortable with someone so quickly. But Jinyoung was still wary, he knew he had a habit of getting too attached to people; first Jaebeom, then Mark, and now, maybe, Jackson. It always ended with Jinyoung being hurt and alone and he was sick of it. Part of him thought he would be better off never caring about anyone ever again, at least then he wouldn’t have the threat of deep emotional pain always looming over him.

As much as Jinyoung had wanted to see Jackson again as soon as they’d parted, Jinyoung was now a little grateful that Jackson wouldn’t be around that week in case Jaebeom came through on his promise. It gave Jinyoung some time to figure things out and hopefully get this resolved before he got back—not that he had any idea how he was going to do that.

By Tuesday, Jinyoung started to feel uneasy that he hadn’t heard anything from Jaebeom. He’d said he was going to come see him, but there’d been no sign of him since he’d called on Sunday evening. He was bound to show up again at some point and the thought made Jinyoung on edge. At least Jaebeom didn’t know his class schedule or where his office was, so all Jinyoung had to do was avoid going home. Reluctantly, Jinyoung slept in his office on Tuesday night—thankfully he always kept a change of clothes in his drawer—but he knew it was better than the alternative.

Wednesday morning brought no news of Jaebeom’s whereabouts, only an anxious and very sore Jinyoung. He became paranoid, thinking that Jaebeom was going to pop up anywhere. He realized there was a part of him that was almost disappointed he hadn’t found him already and Jinyoung hated that that part existed.

That evening, Jinyoung was about to leave for his night class Wednesday evening when Jaebeom finally made his appearance. Jinyoung was picking up his laptop bag from his desk when the reflection of a man appeared in the window. He didn’t have to turn around to know who the dark silhouette was.

He also didn’t have to turn around to know something had changed since that phone call on Sunday. The aura around the man was different; not the sad and desperate ex-boyfriend, but rather, something far more enticing, far more intoxicating. It took a moment for Jinyoung to find his voice.

“How did you find me?” he asked, still facing his desk.

“The school directory.”

Jinyoung swore under his breath. He’d forgotten his office building and room number were posted online so students could find him easily.

“I’d ask you to turn around,” Jaebeom said, his voice low and sultry, “but I must admit I’m enjoying the view from here.”

Jinyoung whirled around instantly and promptly sucked in a breath at what he saw. Jaebeom was leaning against the door frame with the most wicked grin on his face. He wore a black leather jacket, his hair was combed back away from his face, and he'd even put in his anti-eyebrow piercing. He looked like—well…Jinyoung was all too familiar with this look.

“So,” Jaebeom began, flicking a piece of imaginary dust off his sleeve, “have you been thinking about me?” That tantalizing smile never left his lips.

“No.”

“Liar.” Jaebeom’s gaze bore into him. It was beautiful and intense and took the objection right out of Jinyoung’s mouth. He bit his lip and looked away.

Jaebeom’s smile turned a little feral at Jinyoung’s silence. “Hmm, so you have been thinking about me,” he said and took a step forward. “Have you been missing me too?”

Jinyoung looked up at him again, determined to stay strong. “No.”

“You’re not being very convincing,” Jaebeom said, chuckling softly as he took another step. “Just hearing my voice was enough to bring it all back, huh?” He didn’t even try to hide how pleased he was.

Hearing Jaebeom say the words made Jinyoung’s insides twist. He was right, it had brought _everything_ back, the bad and the good. Jinyoung hated that the man knew him so well. He looked down at his hands, desperate to avoid that alluring gaze.

Jaebeom took another step forward and then he was right in front of Jinyoung, his scent filling Jinyoung’s nose. “Do you think about me when you’re walking around our house?” he asked, his voice low. “When you’re lying in our bed?”

Jinyoung was sure Jaebeom could hear how loud his heart was beating. He tried to take a step back but bumped into the desk. Realizing Jinyoung had nowhere to go, Jaebeom leaned in to whisper in his ear, “Do you touch yourself remembering everything I used to do to you in that bed?” Jaebeom’s warm breath against his skin sent shivers down his neck.

“I think you do,” he continued as he moved his lips along Jinyoung’s jaw, almost brushing the skin but not quite. Jinyoung closed his eyes without thinking. “I think you want me to do those things again.”

This was all too much. The switch in Jaebeom’s personality from the other day to now was…significant…and it had somehow made Jinyoung catatonic. Jaebeom wasn’t the same depressed and whiny ex-boyfriend that called him to beg for a second chance. No, this Jaebeom was the new transfer student that had walked into senior math one Monday morning all those years ago. The one with the raw sexual magnetism that Jinyoung could never say no to. The one who could reduce Jinyoung to a puddle with just a look. The one Jinyoung had fallen in love with.

“Look at me, Jinyoungie,” Jaebeom said, his voice sultry again but laced with quiet demand.

Jinyoung kept his eyes closed but he felt Jaebeom’s knuckle below his chin, guiding his face up to meet his. “I said look at me, Jinyoung,” he commanded, his voice stern.

Something in Jaebeom's tone made Jinyoung open his eyes and the sight he beheld almost made him whimper. Jaebeom was inches away from him, his face stunning and severe. The air in the room was suddenly hot and sticky and Jinyoung had struggle to take in a breath. Jaebeom looked like a predator watching his prey and Jinyoung couldn’t help but feel a little exhilarated by the notion. Jaebeom smirked, fully aware of the effect he was having on the man in front of him. And he was enjoying every second of it.

“Let me make it up to you,” he said almost sweetly as he kissed Jinyoung’s right cheek.

“Let me make the pain go away.” He kissed his left cheek.

"Let me make you mine again,” he whispered, right against Jinyoung’s mouth.

The chime of a cellphone cut through the air like a knife.

Jaebeom froze, his lips a hair’s breadth away from Jinyoung’s, the air in the room suddenly clearing with the interruption. Jinyoung quickly turned his face away and fished his phone out his pocket.

_Bambam_.

Bambam, his TA, was calling him—why was Bambam calling him? He only ever called him if—

Then he saw the time. 7:02pm.

He screeched and shoved Jaebeom away, the man too surprised to stop him. Jinyoung grabbed his bag and motioned to his phone wildly. “I’m late,” he puffed, “I have lecture. I have to go.”

Jaebeom’s eyes were filled with arousal and need. He gritted his teeth, breathing hard. “Blow it off. It’ll be worth it.” He started to close the distance between them again, but Jinyoung was expecting it and was already backing away.

“I have class, hyung,” he said breathlessly. “And this…I didn’t want this.” He tried to make his voice firm, but it came out too wobbly to be convincing.

Jaebeom laughed. “You’ve always been such a terrible liar.”

At that, Jinyoung turned and ran.

* * *

Jinyoung had never been late to a lecture in his life, and he’d certainly never arrived as dishevelled and out of breath as he was now. The class was shocked but didn’t say anything when he burst in and began bowing and apologizing profusely.

He did his best to focus during the lecture but his mind was all over the place. At least they were in the last week of classes and this was simply a review session before the exam, so it didn’t require too much brainpower. Jinyoung let them out 20 minutes early—another thing he’d never done—and took a moment in the empty classroom to think.

What happened in his office had been too close for comfort. Jinyoung should have kicked Jaebeom out the moment he showed up. But the way he’d looked…so dangerously handsome, just like he had looked in high school, was enough to stun Jinyoung into shock. Jaebeom had always been his one weakness. He’d never been able to say no to him, and he _knew_ that Jinyoung had always been especially drawn to angry sex demon Jaebeom.

He groaned and rubbed his face, ashamed. If they hadn’t been interrupted, Jinyoung wanted to believe he would’ve pushed him away, but Jaebeom had almost kissed him and he’d done nothing. _You’ve always been too weak_ , he thought to himself.

The beep of his phone startled Jinyoung out of his reverie. It was a text from Jackson.

_Thinking about you <3 Hope you’re having a great week!_

Jinyoung felt a sudden wave of appreciation for Bambam and his life-saving phone call.

* * *

Thursday came and went with no sign of Jaebeom and Jinyoung was both terribly relieved and terribly worried. He wanted to call Mark, but he didn’t want to get scolded for being such a coward and not sticking up for himself in his office. Besides, Mark would probably yell at him for not calling the moment he’d gotten off the phone with Jaebeom on Sunday.

No, he couldn’t tell Mark yet. Jinyoung had to do this on his own. He’d made his bed and now he had to lie in it. Or change the sheets. Or burn the bed.

He knew Jaebeom wanted him to stew a little, probably thinking that their little almost-kiss would make him soft as jelly for their next encounter. Jinyoung anticipated that he would show up again on Friday night, perhaps with gifts in hand, ready to show Jinyoung what a great boyfriend he would be again.

When Jaebeom walked into Jinyoung’s Friday afternoon lecture as everyone was packing up to leave, Jinyoung was both proud and nervous that he had been right. Jaebeom took a seat at the back and waited patiently until the students cleared the room. He held a bouquet of stargazer lilies in his lap and wore a plain white shirt and a jean jacket. Jinyoung’s mouth went dry. He was playing the perfect boyfriend part very well.

Jinyoung was determined to hold his ground. This was his last chance to end things with Jaebeom before Jackson came back this weekend. He couldn’t fuck up this time. He had to finally say no and he had to do it quickly.

When the last student closed the door behind her, Jinyoung spoke. “What are you doing here?”

Jaebeom gave him a harmless smile and made his way down the steps of the hall. He ran a hand through his hair, which he’d left natural and shaggy today. “I told you I wouldn’t give up, Jinyoung-ah,” he stated simply.

Jinyoung held his ground. “And I told you that I don’t want to be with you,” he said firmly. “Please, just leave.”

Jaebeom’s face faltered a little at the realization that Jinyoung was not, in fact, soft as jelly. He clenched his jaw. “I know you, Jinyoungie, you’re overthinking this even though it’s simple. We’ve always been meant to be together.” Jinyoung opened his mouth but Jaebeom silenced him with a solid finger on his lips. “I also know that you’re too proud to take me back right away. But you’re going to give in eventually. You always do.”

With that, Jaebeom grabbed Jinyoung by the arms, hard, and forced their lips together with overwhelming strength. Jaebeom was too fast and too strong, and Jinyoung was too surprised to move. He could only press his hands against Jaebeom’s chest, trying—and failing—to push him away. He swore at himself. _Always so weak._

“What the fuck?”

His body went cold. He knew that voice.

Jaebeom pulled away slightly at the interruption and Jinyoung took the opportunity to break free from his grasp. He turned to see Jackson standing at the top of the lecture hall, wearing a black overcoat and looking like he’d just gotten off a plane. His face held confusion and pain and Jinyoung’s heart cracked at the sight of it.

Jinyoung opened his mouth to explain but his mind was too fogged up by everything that had happened in the last few seconds. He managed to call his name softly but Jackson only looked between Jinyoung and Jaebeom once before he turned and left.

Jaebeom watched him go, realizing who the intruder was, and huffed a laugh. “Ah, so that’s the new guy,” he said, turning to Jinyoung. “He looks a little smart for your taste, Jinyoung-ah, don’t you think?”

Jinyoung was too shocked to respond. Jackson had just seen Jaebeom kissing him, and even though Jinyoung had been trying to push him away, he can only imagine what the scene must have looked like. He moved to go after Jackson, he could still catch him and explain, but then Jaebeom spoke again.

“I guess you didn’t tell him about us yet.”

Jinyoung stopped. He _really_ wanted to go after Jackson and he knew he needed to as soon as possible, but he had to settle things with Jaebeom. This needed to end now.

“There is no _us_ ,” he said.

“Funny you say that now,” Jaebeom said mockingly. “I don’t think you felt that way on Wednesday night. I think part of you wishes you’d stayed.”

Jinyoung shook his head. “No, actually,” he said, his voice small but certain. “I may not have been strong enough to say no at the time, but I really didn’t want that. I’m grateful Bambam called me before anything happened.”

A wave of surprise and something else—sadness, perhaps?—washed over Jaebeom’s face. Then his expression turned cruel. “So, what, you’re going to pick _him_ over me? Some stuffy professor you barely know over the love of your life?”

“You are _not_ the love of my life,” Jinyoung spat, his anger rising, “and this has nothing to do with Jackson. I’m not _picking_ one of you. I’m telling _you_ that I want _you_ out of my life, for good this time.”

Jinyoung could see Jaebeom want to object and he opened his mouth to do so, but Jinyoung pressed on, determination and rage in his voice. “I don’t know why you can’t get this into your head, Jaebeom. I will never go back to you. I will never be with you again. I will never love you again.”

Jaebeom fell silent for a moment. Jinyoung had never been so assertive with him and he knew it was probably throwing him off. _Good_.

“I don’t think you mean that,” Jaebeom said coolly, though Jinyoung saw his throat bob with uncertainty.

“Yes, I do,” Jinyoung replied. He meant every word. “It’s over.”

It was true that Jaebeom knew all of Jinyoung’s buttons and how and when to press them. But he also knew all of Jinyoung’s tells, his ticks that gave away more than his words did. So when Jaebeom saw the calm in Jinyoung’s eyes, the slight clench of his fists, and the way his jaw was set with determination, he knew the man had made up his mind. And Jinyoung had always been very stubborn once he’d made up his mind. Jaebeom knew that no matter what he did, Jinyoung would not be swayed. Jinyoung watched as disbelief, sorrow, pain, and guilt crossed Jaebeom’s face, before finally he saw acceptance. He’d been holding his breath and now he let it go.

Jaebeom finally understood.

And with that understanding came a sadness and shame that Jinyoung knew was currently boiling inside Jaebeom to an overwhelming degree. He would get angry now. He always turned to anger when the emotions became too much to handle.

Sure enough, Jaebeom looked up and Jinyoung saw the fire raging in his eyes. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he spat, one last stab for no purpose other than to cause pain. Then he walked away, stomping on the forgotten flowers as he went.

Jinyoung sighed in relief when Jaebeom finally disappeared. The knowledge that the man was truly out of his life was a heavy weight around him, but it felt…good. He’d finally stood up to the man he’d been powerless to since he was fifteen. Jinyoung couldn’t help but laugh, feeling proud at how far he’d come and free of a load he’d been crushed under for so many years. The feeling gave Jinyoung a new sense of purpose.

He snatched up his laptop bag and the abandoned bouquet—he couldn’t leave a mess just because he was on a mission—and raced out into the evening air. He searched for any sign of Jackson, desperate to see that mop of copper hair in the dim of the setting sun. But there was nothing.

As he ran across the lawn between the lecture hall and their office building, Jinyoung prayed that Jackson had gone back to his office and not straight to his car. He needed to find him. He needed to explain.

When Jinyoung arrived at Jackson’s office door, he couldn’t help but remember a similar scene months ago when he’d thrown open the door and started yelling. Back then, it had been rage driving him. This time, it was something entirely different.

And this time, the door was locked. The office light was off. No one was there.

Jinyoung banged on the door anyway, praying for Jackson to be inside and just ignoring him. He got out his phone and clicked the call button on Jackson’s contact.

_We’re sorry, the number you have dialled has been disconnected_. _Please check the number—_

Jinyoung swore. He tried again. And again. And again. Each time Jinyoung called he was greeted with the automated voice telling him that Jackson wasn’t on the other end. But it made no sense, Jackson had just texted him the other day, he couldn’t have gotten a new phone number since then. And if he had, he would have told him.

Then the realization settled over him.

_He blocked me._

Jinyoung couldn’t believe it. He leaned his head against Jackson’s office door and banged on it again, this time in frustration. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way, he was supposed to end things with Jaebeom and then explain everything to Jackson and then Jackson was supposed to forgive him. But Jackson hadn’t even given him a chance, he’d blocked Jinyoung before he had even tried to apologize. This was all _wrong_.

He soon noticed that he was crying. The realization that it was over, it was _all_ over, hit him like a truck. He was completely alone once again.

Jinyoung sank to his knees and let his tears flow for the second time that week. He grabbed the forgotten bouquet on the ground beside him and ripped the flowers to shreds, crying and tearing at the lilies until there was nothing left.

There really was nothing left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if i were to name chapters i would call this one "jinyoung grows a spine". he did it, everyone, the spine has been formed. i hope you're all still with me after this one, there were a lot of emooooootions i know.
> 
> i really wanted to make this jjp conflict to just be about jinyoung, which is why i conveniently had jackson be out of town during this whole ordeal (more on that later). i just didn't want it to be about jackson, i wanted jinyoung to get the courage to say no all on his own. i also wanted to show that the return of an ex can be so incredibly overwhelming that it shakes up everything. jinyoung thought he was over this and maybe he was, but jaebeom coming back into his life and being his manipulative self (don't kill me jaebeom stans pls) was enough to put a crack in that. yes, jinyoung was almost tempted, because THAT HAPPENS. doesn't mean he actually wants him back. and jinyoung struggled with saying no until the end because that happens too. it's crazy how much power someone can seemingly have over you, especially when they were such an important part of your growth like jaebeom was for jinyoung.
> 
> anyway, i'll stop ranting about exes. 
> 
> i will say one more thing about jjp though. chapter 7-9 of this fic were rewritten mmmmm six times. yes. i know. i'm insane. in some of those versions, the office scene had a kiss, but i ended up cutting it because i didn't want jinyoung to cheat (that also prompted internal and external debate about whether that would even be considered cheating) AND ANYWAY THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT *breathes deeply* what i'm trying to say is that i found myself _wanting_ to write the office scene as a full-on smut scene but it just didn't fit with this fic. SO. that's coming as a jjp fic. an extra for this fic, if you will. i've changed it a lot (characterization, timeline, etc.) so that it's really more of a fanfic of my fanfic (do i have an ego or what). so anyone who ships or likes to read jjp, stay tuned for that. i promise jaebeom will not be a villain (sorry to my beta who wanted an angry sex demon jaebeom office sex scene)
> 
> as always, feel free to hit me up on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/huahuaspassword) if you want to say hi or yell at me about how i ruined your image of jaebeom (i'm joking pls don't yell at me i'm fragile)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, folks, we're here: the last chapter. DUN DUN DUNNNNN
> 
> i won't delay it any longer so i'll just leave the rest of my rambling for the end notes (so you can ignore them more easily). enjoy!!!

The victory Jinyoung had felt after ending things with Jaebeom was quickly replaced with a heartbreak so strong he was sure he could never be put back together.

He wallowed in his self-pity for the rest of the night, still not quite believing that he and Jackson were over, that the one good thing that had entered his life was gone. Jinyoung spent the night drinking and crying, walking around his house with a throbbing pain in his chest and a constant desire to throw up—which he did, several times.

Mark called Jinyoung at least five times that night. Jinyoung had sent him a text when he got home with a simple “Jackson and I are over” and nothing more. He needed to at least tell Mark but he knew he couldn’t handle talking about it yet. Talking about it made it real.

The next day, when Mark called for the third time, Jinyoung finally answered.

“Jinyoung, thank god. Where the hell have you been? Are you okay?” Mark sounded frustrated and worried.

“Home,” Jinyoung replied. His voice sounded broken and far away. “No.”

“What happened?”

Jinyoung told him about everything that happened in the past week, sparing no details and not holding back his tears. Mark was silent through it all and when Jinyoung finished, there was a long pause. He waited for Mark to reprimand him for not calling earlier, for falling for Jaebeom’s tricks, for being so _so_ weak. He braced himself.

“Jinyoung-ah, I can’t even tell you how proud I am.”

Jinyoung tensed. “What?”

“I’m so proud of you,” Mark repeated, his voice indeed filled with pride. Pride and compassion and love. “After all this time, you finally told him no. I know how hard that must have been, and I’m just so happy for you.”

The tears started again before Jinyoung had a chance to hold them back. He cried and cried, letting Mark utter words of comfort and gentle shushes as he sobbed into the phone. He cried with relief that Jaebeom was gone. He cried with gratitude that Mark was so supportive. He cried with love for himself, for finding the strength he’d lacked for so long.

“Thank you,” he said softly when he finally stopped crying. He knew Mark understood that there was so much more than this he was thanking him for.

“Anytime,” Mark responded, his tone lighter now. After a moment, he asked, “So, how are you getting Jackson back?”

Jinyoung was a little surprised by how matter-of-factly Mark said the words. As though the situation wasn’t as complicated and unfixable as Jinyoung thought. “He blocked me, hyung. I don’t think he wants to see me ever again.”

Mark scoffed. “He’d just walked in on Jaebeom kissing you. He was probably just hurt and feeling really insecure, but you guys can fix this.”

“We’ve known each other for like eight months and we’ve been on two dates,” Jinyoung countered. “There isn’t much to fix. Most people would cut their losses and move on.”

Mark was quiet for a moment. “Something tells me Jackson isn’t most people.”

Jinyoung snorted. “What am I supposed to do, I can’t call him and his house was completely dark and I don’t know, I got the sense he wasn’t there. His car wasn’t even in his driveway—I think…I think he’s gone.” Gone where, Jinyoung wasn’t sure. But he just had a feeling that Jackson had left in more ways than one.

“You went to his house?”

 _Whoops_. “Oh, uh, yeah,” Jinyoung stuttered. “On the way home, I just swung by to see if he was there, and maybe I could get him to talk to me.” He tried to make it sound casual but he knew it sounded anything but.

Jinyoung could hear the smirk in Mark’s voice. “So you _do_ want to get him back, you just don’t know how to reach him.”

Again with being so matter-of-fact about everything. Mark really had a way of reducing a completely overwhelming situation to the bare bones.

“Yeah, I guess so.”

Mark released a noise akin to a sigh, but with more than a hint of mischievousness. “Well, I hope your passport is up to date, because if you want to get Jackson back, you’re going to have to come to Shanghai.”

Jinyoung’s entire body froze. “I’m sorry, _what?_ ”

“He’s here in Shanghai, Jinyoung-ah,” Mark repeated.

“What’s he doing in Shanghai?”

“Does it matter?” Mark challenged.

“But…” Jinyoung hesitated, his anxiety growing. “I’d need to get on a plane?”

“Well, I don’t think you’d get here very fast by walking.”

“I can’t fly, Mark-hyung,” Jinyoung groaned. “I’ve never flown before, I’ve never left the country before. You know that.”

Mark sighed. “You want to get your man back but you’re hesitating because you don’t want to fly on a plane. Do you realize how crazy that is?”

Jinyoung only hmphed in response.

“The way I see it,” Mark said, “this whole thing is pretty simple. You want to be with Jackson, right?”

“Yes,” Jinyoung breathed. _More than anything_ , he added silently.

“Then you’re going to have to come to Shanghai.”

“But—”

“No buts!” Mark interjected quickly. “Look, no one is going to force you to do it one way or the other. You can decide it isn’t worth it, that _Jackson_ isn’t worth it, and not get on a plane. You can stay in Korea forever and live in that stupid house you and Jaebeom shared until you die.”

_Ouch._

“Or,” Mark continued, “you can decide to take a chance on something for yourself for once. You can leave Korea and fly on a plane for the first time in your sad 27 years of life and win back the man of your dreams and live happily ever after. I know this isn’t typical Jinyoung behaviour, I get that, and I’ll support you either way. But you said you want to be with him, Jinyoung. Don’t let him get away just because you’re scared.”

Mark was right, of course. He was always right. Though the thought of such a drastic decision was scary, Jinyoung was also a little thrilled at the notion that it was a choice he was making for himself and not for someone else. Maybe he could do this, maybe he could be strong enough.

Then a question cut through his musings. “Wait, how do _you_ know he’s in Shanghai?”

“I was hoping you wouldn’t ask me that,” Mark said, and Jinyoung assumed he was wincing.

“ _Mark-hyung_ ,” Jinyoung warned.

“Listen, there’s a lot more to this than you know,” Mark insisted.

“Then tell me so I can start knowing it!”

“It’s not my story to tell,” Mark said simply.

Jinyoung felt his pulse quicken. “Did Jackson talk to you?”

“Yeah,” Mark sighed, “we had tea last week.”

“ _Tea_?”

“What’s wrong with tea?”

“Nothing’s wrong with _tea_ , what’s wrong is that you’re having it with my boyf—with _Jackson_!” Jinyoung felt more than a little shaken. He couldn’t believe Mark had managed to hide something like this from him, whatever _this_ was. But, then again, Mark had always been a bit of an enigma.

“Relax, Jinyoung, I’m not trying to steal your man,” Mark said smugly. “Though Gyeomie might,” he added with a laugh.

“He met _Yugyeom_???”

“Yup, and they really hit it off, actually.” Mark seemed to chuckle at the memory. “But don’t worry, Yugyeom won’t try to steal him away either. He told me after Jackson left he’d never seen anyone so smitten.”

Jinyoung, though still thoroughly shocked, was mildly entertained at the thought of Yugyeom meeting Jackson. Mark’s husband had always seemed a little scared of Jinyoung, despite being a highly accomplished surgeon, but he and Jackson would probably adore each other. “I’m pretty smitten too, actually.”

Mark groaned. “Then what the hell are you still doing at home?”

Jinyoung laughed, the foreign sound filling his empty house. Then he turned serious. “Where in Shanghai is he?”

* * *

Eight hours later, Jinyoung was walking up the cobblestone pathway to Jackson’s house in Shanghai. He was so nervous he considered turning around every few steps, telling himself this was a stupid idea, that Jackson wouldn’t even talk to him. But Jinyoung had not left Korea and flown on an airplane for the first time in his life only to have to turn around and come home. No, he was determined to win Jackson back.

After Mark had given him Jackson’s address in Shanghai, Jinyoung had quickly hung up, showered, and packed a bag with his essentials and enough clothes to last a few days. _Just in case_ , he told himself. Then he’d booked the first flight out and called a taxi.

He was a vibrating bundle of anxiety from the moment he left his house. It only grew when he got to the airport, went through security—where there was a brief pause in his anxiety to give way to the disgust of walking in his socks on an airport floor—and then finally arrived at his gate.

The only ticket available so last-minute was an aisle seat in coach at the very back of the plane. That meant he had the joy of having his right side brushed by every person who walked past on their way to and from the bathrooms behind him. After one particularly heavyset man stepped on his foot, he tried to squeeze away from the aisle, but the seats were so close together and the woman he sat next to coughed incessantly. Jinyoung prayed that she was just a smoker and didn’t carry some fatal virus he would later die from. Unless, of course, it would kill him while he was still on the plane and put him out of his misery.

Before he’d arrived at the airport, he’d asked the taxi driver to make a pit stop so he could buy a large bouquet of pink peonies—for some reason he pegged Jackson for a peonies kind of guy—and a box of very expensive artisan chocolates. Jinyoung had no clue if this was too much or too little, but he’d never tried to win someone back before so he wanted to make sure he covered his bases. Unfortunately, there was no space to put said large bouquet of pink peonies safely in the overhead compartment or beneath his seat, so he had to keep the damn thing in his lap the entire flight. He did his best to protect the flowers from Mrs. Coughs-A-Lot and the seemingly blind passengers walking past him so carelessly on their way down the aisle, which meant the bouquet was pretty much right in his face for the whole two-hour flight.

Despite the horrors of the metal death box he was trapped inside, Jinyoung spent most of the flight thinking about what awaited him when he landed. He didn’t know what Jackson was thinking now so he didn’t know what to expect. He only knew that Jackson was upset enough after seeing Jaebeom kiss him that he blocked him immediately and flew to another fucking country.

_Why am I doing this, again?_

Jinyoung shook away the thought, it was far too late for that kind of thinking. Instead, he focused on what would happen if— _when_ , he tried to tell himself—Jackson forgave him. Since Mark didn’t say much, Jinyoung didn’t actually know why Jackson was in Shanghai so he wasn’t sure what it would mean for them. He began to run through the possible scenarios in his mind to prepare himself.

Maybe Jackson was just visiting family for a few days, he had mentioned once that his mom lived there now. Jinyoung hoped that was the case, even though it meant that he’d be intruding on a family reunion.

It was also possible that Jackson was taking a sabbatical in Shanghai for a year or two. Jinyoung could work with that, he could ask Namjoon to let him take a sabbatical as well. Mark could help him find an apartment. He and Jackson could do research and travel the country together. Jackson could take him to Hong Kong and show him where he grew up. The prospect made Jinyoung excited.

_But what if he was moving there for good?_

Jinyoung had heard a lot of horror stories about long distance relationships, but if that was the only option then he wanted to at least try to make it work. As much as Jinyoung hated flying—something he had now confirmed—if it meant he could be with Jackson, he would fly to Shanghai and back every weekend. If it meant he could be with Jackson, he would do anything.

It was at this point during Jinyoung’s musings that he realized it didn’t matter why Jackson was in Shanghai. It didn’t even matter that Jackson was there at all. Jinyoung realized that no matter what the future held, he wanted to share that future with Jackson. If Jackson took him back, Jinyoung would never let him go.

By the time Jinyoung got off the plane, he felt like a new person. As soon as his feet touched the ground in Shanghai, Jinyoung knew there was no going back to the man he’d been. He was stronger now, he could make his own decisions, he took risks in the name of love.

Once he was through customs, Jinyoung found a bathroom and changed into a new set of clothes. He wanted to look his best for Jackson and he was thankful he’d packed his winning-Jackson-back outfit in his carry-on rather than wearing it on the plane. He’d decided on his favourite black dress shirt and pants with a [red satin blazer](https://twitter.com/cherishkyoongs/status/1356434369204813824) overtop and he combed his hair so that it was pushed away from his face.

Now Jinyoung had finally arrived at Jackson’s house. He was tired from the plane ride and the emotional ride but the anticipation of seeing Jackson was enough to make him feel giddy. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

He heard shuffling on the other side before the door opened, revealing a very weary-looking Jackson in a [burnt orange silk](https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Faupium.com%2F2019%2F10%2F22%2Fjackson-wang-breaks-the-fourth-wall-in-new-video-dway%2F&psig=AOvVaw32MVUBp26huN_0Hwquo0SS&ust=1613275376912000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAIQjRxqFwoTCKCYvKX95e4CFQAAAAAdAAAAABAW) housecoat—with no shirt on underneath, Jinyoung couldn’t help but notice—and plaid pajama pants. A string of emotions crossed Jackson’s face as he took in Jinyoung’s appearance and the items in his hands: surprise, confusion, disbelief, happiness, hurt. “Jinyoung,” he began, his voice small. He gulped. “What are you doing here?”

“Mark told me where you were. Can we talk?”

Jackson’s eyes widened. He nodded and opened the door wider to let Jinyoung in.

As Jinyoung walked into the house, his jaw almost dropped. The place was almost exactly like Jackson’s old house. It looked as though Jackson had clicked copy and paste, give or take a few ottomans.

“It looks just like your place in Korea,” he thought aloud.

Jackson murmured something too soft to hear, closing the door behind him. Jinyoung rested the goodies in his arms on the kitchen island and turned to face Jackson. His lips were pressed tightly into a thin line and Jinyoung had no idea what that expression meant but he didn’t want to waste any more time, so he just dove right in while the adrenaline was still flowing in his veins.

“Jackson, listen,” Jinyoung began, “I know you blocked me so you probably don’t want to see or hear from me again, but I need to explain to you what happened. What you saw that day, it wasn’t what it looked like. Please, will you let me explain?”

Jackson’s eyes were still wide and his mouth was still forming that thin line Jinyoung could only assume was a sign of something bad, but he nodded slowly. Jinyoung continued before he could change his mind.

He let loose a breath. _Here goes_. “Okay, that man you saw me with was my ex, Jaebeom. He called me on Sunday asking to get back together. I told him I didn’t want to, but he always had a habit of not believing me when he thought he was right, so he showed up at my office on Wednesday and—” he took another breath “—he tried to kiss me. Nothing actually happened, thankfully, but it was too close for my liking.”

He didn’t look at Jackson’s face but Jinyoung saw that his fists were clenched.

“Anyway,” Jinyoung trudged on, trying to shake off the memory, “he came back again on Friday and I told him it was over but then he actually did kiss me that time, which you know, obviously, because that’s when you walked in. I guess it was his last attempt to change my mind, and I’m so sorry you had to see that, but it really wasn’t what it looked like, I promise. I-I didn’t want him to do that. I was actually trying to push him away…but I-I couldn’t.”

Jinyoung looked down, feeling ashamed again. Every time he talked about what happened it brought back the shame of his inability to stand up for himself.

But that was a different Jinyoung. He was stronger now.

“After you left,” Jinyoung continued, “I told him there was nothing between us anymore and I would never go back to him. It took a bit of convincing that I was telling the truth but in the end he understood that I meant what I said and he finally left.”

Now Jinyoung looked up at Jackson. He tried to place the emotions on Jackson’s face but came up with nothing.

“I tried to look for you,” he explained. “I went to your office and I tried calling, but then I realized you blocked my number. I drove by your house, but I saw your car wasn’t there and the house was dark. I figured you’d driven out of town or something but then I talked to Mark this morning and he told me you were here, so I got on the next flight.

“Look, I know you must be really upset. I’m so sorry you walked in at the worst possible moment. I know if it had been me, I probably would’ve reacted even worse to seeing you kissing some other guy.” Even the thought made Jinyoung’s blood boil. “But I hope after hearing that it wasn’t like that, maybe you can forgive me?”

He looked at Jackson again, those giant brown eyes making his heart melt. Jackson didn’t seem too upset, but Jinyoung didn’t want to get ahead of himself. He waited patiently for Jackson to respond.

Before he spoke, he let out a sigh of something like relief or frustration. “I don’t know if I’m more relieved that you weren’t actually kissing him or angry at myself for being such an idiot. But either way, I owe you an apology.”

“No, Jackson, you don’t,” Jinyoung said simply. He was just glad Jackson wasn’t mad at him.

“I do,” Jackson insisted. “I shouldn’t have been so quick to assume what the situation was. Or at the very least I should’ve let you explain instead of leaving right away and then blocking your number.” He winced and shook his head. “Fuck, I’m so sorry. You had one hell of a week and I only made it worse.”

“It’s okay, really,” Jinyoung insisted.

“No, it’s not,” Jackson said, putting his head in his hands. “I’m such an idiot. I was just so hurt because I’d—” he suddenly looked up at Jinyoung with wide eyes “—I mean, uh, I just had a busy week and I was flying back early to surprise you and—uh…anyway, seeing you with someone else…it was just a lot for me to process.”

The abrupt shift in Jackson’s demeanour peaked Jinyoung’s curiosity. All of a sudden Jackson was _nervous_ , almost as if he’d said too much. Jinyoung wondered if this was the “more to the story” Mark had been referring to. He wanted to press the issue, but he didn’t want Jackson to say anything he wasn’t ready for. “Jackson, it’s okay,” he repeated. “I can only imagine how awful it must have been to walk in on that.”

Jackson lowered his gaze. “Yeah, it hurt a lot,” he admitted, his fists clenching again. “At the time I didn’t even realize that it was your ex…now I wish I’d stayed around and punched that guy.”

The swift change in Jackson’s words made Jinyoung laugh, the tension in the room easing a bit. “Oh, I would have _loved_ to see that.”

Jackson gave him a small grin, his eyes dancing impishly, and Jinyoung could’ve sworn the room got a bit brighter. “Yeah? It would’ve been hot, huh?”

“Yeah,” Jinyoung agreed, smirking a little at the mental image. After a moment, Jinyoung coughed and forced himself to ask, “So, are we…okay?”

Jackson widened his grin and nodded. “I was already thinking about calling you, actually, just to hear you out since it didn’t really make sense to me the more I thought about everything. But then you flew all the way here, with flowers and chocolates no less…” He winked. “And I thought romantic gestures were my thing.”

“I was going to buy a giant teddy bear too,” Jinyoung admitted, a little embarrassed, “but they were going to make me buy an extra seat for it.”

At that, Jackson actually laughed. It was the most glorious sound Jinyoung had heard in a long time. When he stopped, Jackson closed the distance between them and touched their foreheads together. The closeness made Jinyoung feel at ease, the stress of the past week finally dissolving. He breathed in Jackson’s scent and it smelled like everything he’d ever wanted.

“So, you talked to Mark?” Jackson asked softly. “What exactly did he, uh, tell you?”

“Nothing really,” Jinyoung said. “He just said you were in Shanghai and you guys had tea or something and there was more to the story but that it wasn’t his to tell.”

“Ah.” Jackson pulled away and ran a hand through his hair, smiling timidly. “I guess it’s story time then?”

Jinyoung nodded eagerly. “If you’re up for it,” he added.

Jackson’s eyes became wild with concern again and he started fidgeting with his hands. Jinyoung reached out and took them in his own. “Why don’t we sit down?”

Jackson nodded, then let Jinyoung lead him to the couch. Jinyoung felt odd being the calm one in a situation like this, so used to being the one wracked with anxiety, but it was a nice change of pace. When Jackson was ready, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Then he began to speak.

“My mom is sick,” Jackson began, his eyes glassy. “Like, I think she’ll be okay eventually but she’s sick enough now that she needs me around. I was flying back and forth a lot this semester, but it got to the point where I couldn’t keep it up and I just needed to move back here. So I arranged to sell my house and my car, and I told Namjoon I would be leaving when the semester was over, but…I didn’t want to leave you.”

Jinyoung’s stomach flipped but he tried to focus on Jackson’s story instead. This explained all of the random absences throughout the semester, the times Jackson had said he’d be out of town, and why Jinyoung had found a dark house and empty driveway when he’d stopped by yesterday.

“I know it hasn’t been long and I know we’ve only been on a couple dates, but I didn’t want to move to another country and never see you again. I thought about how we could maybe make long distance work, but it would still mean a lot of flying back and forth and the more I thought about it the more I realized that wasn’t what I wanted.”

 _What did you want?_ Jinyoung wondered, realizing there was an answer he was hoping for.

“I realized that what I wanted was to bring you with me,” Jackson said, looking up at Jinyoung with giant, hopeful eyes. “I know you don’t like change and asking you to move to another country isn’t exactly third-date appropriate, so I didn’t really know how you’d react. But then suddenly I was making all these plans in my head to get everything ready for us to move here. I guess I thought that if I could get you a job and a place to live, and have everything worked out already, then all you’d have to do was decide whether or not you wanted to be with me. And maybe that would make all of it a little easier to handle.”

Jinyoung tried not to show too much of his surprise, not wanting to overwhelm Jackson any further. Thankfully, he’d already run through this scenario on the plane ride over, so he was at least partially prepared for it. Jackson let go of Jinyoung’s hands and began pacing, clearly anxious about the next part of his story. Jinyoung waited patiently, looking up at Jackson from his seat on the couch.

“So I talked to Mark,” Jackson continued as he paced. “I asked him to get us both jobs in his department here. I made sure that you would get something that paid the same or more and you would get to pick the courses you’d teach. I know you’ll need to learn Mandarin, but a lot of students are foreign anyway—”

“Actually, Mark asked me to start learning Mandarin years ago,” Jinyoung interjected. “I’m not fluent yet, but I can get through a conversation.”

At that, Jackson’s pacing stopped abruptly and he stared at Jinyoung, open-mouthed and stunned. “You are just full of surprises today, aren’t you?” he asked with a small smile.

Jinyoung blushed and motioned for Jackson to continue. “Sorry for interrupting.”

Jackson shook off the pause in his story and resumed his pacing, albeit looking slightly less anxious. “So, anyway, Mark secured us both faculty positions, you’ll just need to finalize your contract with him but it’s all set up. I looked it over and it’s really similar the one you had in Korea so I think you’ll be happy with it. And as for the living situation, well…” He trailed off, then motioned to the room around him, a goofy smile on his face.

It took Jinyoung a second to realize what he was getting at. Then it was his turn to gape at Jackson, open-mouthed and stunned.

“The house? Jackson, you bought me a _house_?” Jinyoung asked in disbelief. “Wait, is that why it looks just like your place in Korea?”

A nod. “You said it was your dream home,” he said simply.

Jinyoung recalled that he had indeed said that when he first went to Jackson’s. He laughed lightly. Jackson had not only remembered, but he’d done god knows how much work to essentially replicate that house, all because Jinyoung had said it was his dream home.

“And, it’s, uh,” Jackson continued, a pretty pink blush blooming on his cheeks. “Well, it’s not _just_ for you.”

Jinyoung stopped. He motioned between him and Jackson with his hands in silent question, his mouth unable to form the words.

Jackson nodded again. “If you want.”

It was shocking, completely and totally shocking. All of it was, really, from leaving Korea to moving to Shanghai to working for Mark again. But for some reason once the idea of living with Jackson came up, in the very house he was currently sitting in, it all suddenly felt so _real_. Jinyoung didn’t know what to say. He didn’t even know what to think. There was a moment when it all threatened to be too much, too fast, too overwhelming. But then he took a long breath. He remembered what he’d realized on the plane—that no matter what the future held, he wanted to share that future with Jackson.

He finally forced himself to speak. “I can’t believe you would do all that…for me.”

“You flew on a plane for me,” Jackson pointed out.

Jinyoung snorted. “I didn’t _buy_ you the plane!”

“I know, I tend to get a little…overzealous in relationships,” Jackson said, chuckling shyly. Jinyoung wasn’t surprised, Jackson got a little overzealous in most things. “And that’s why I reacted like that after seeing you with Jaebeom. I’d done all of this and that day I flew home early to surprise you and tell you everything, but then I saw…” He shook his head at the memory. “And I was just so mad at myself for putting in all this work for someone who didn’t even feel the same way. So I didn’t even think about it, I just blocked you and got right back on another plane.”

Jinyoung nodded, he understood now why Jackson had behaved like that. He knew what it was like to be so hurt that logical thinking went out the window. And as hard as it was to go through the past few days, Jinyoung was so relieved that everything was out in the open.

“Anyway,” Jackson continued, “if this is too fast for you, that’s totally okay. If you’d rather do long distance for a while, we’ll make it work. I’ll fly back and forth every day if I have to. I just don’t want to lose you.”

It was comforting to hear that Jackson was willing to make it work if Jinyoung wasn’t ready for this, that this was Jinyoung’s choice to make. But he’d already made his decision. He stood and took the few steps over to Jackson. “I don’t want to lose you either.”

Jackson let out a sigh of relief. “Then, please, Jinyoung-ah, tell me what you think about all this.” His voice was desperate and worried, but there was excitement and anticipation there too.

“I think,” Jinyoung said, intertwining their fingers, “that no one has ever done something like this for me. I never thought anyone would care about me this much.” He squeezed Jackson’s hand lightly. “You know, after our second “first date”, I realized that I wanted to move houses anyway.”

Jackson’s eyes lit up. “Really?”

Jinyoung nodded, pulling their hands to his mouth and kissing Jackson’s knuckles. “Yup. And on the plane ride here, I told myself that I would do anything if it meant I could be with you.”

“Really?” Jackson repeated with all the enthusiasm of a child on Christmas morning.

Jinyoung chuckled and nodded, loving how innocent and soft Jackson could get. “So, sure, we could spend a year or two flying back and forth to see each other,” he said, shrugging. “But we’d probably just move in together at some point anyway, so why not just jump right to it?”

“But you hate big changes like this,” Jackson protested, even as his eyes danced. “I thought you would be scared.”

“I do, and I am,” Jinyoung said, his eyes never leaving Jackson’s. “But I’m also in love with you, Jackson, so none of that seems to matter anymore.”

Jinyoung didn’t even have time to close his eyes before Jackson was kissing him with a passion that had been building for who knew how long. He responded in kind, throwing his arms around Jackson’s neck and pulling him close. Their kisses were long and slow as they let their lips tell each other what their words couldn’t. Jinyoung had never felt so overwhelmed with emotion and, from the way Jackson was holding his waist and stroking softly, he knew he was feeling it too. It was so different from their first night together, all hesitation and anticipation and lust. This time it felt like he and Jackson were two pieces of a whole, two parts of a puzzle, fitting together beautifully and effortlessly. Jinyoung didn’t even care that his kisses were a little sloppy with desire, that he may have been using too much tongue or he was breathing too hard against Jackson’s mouth. He felt confident enough now to know that Jackson welcomed it all, wanted it all.

“Shall we move this to the bedroom?” Jackson asked after a little while, his eyebrows raised suggestively.

Jinyoung giggled against his lips. “You never waste any time, do you?”

“Well, you’ve come all this way,” Jackson replied with a smirk, “I wouldn’t want to keep you waiting.”

Jinyoung hummed in agreement. “Then, by all means, lead the way.”

When Jackson lifted him, Jinyoung yelped in surprise and then laughed openly, wrapping his legs around Jackson’s torso. He kissed him again and Jackson started to walk toward the stairs.

“Are you planning on carrying me up all the way?” Jinyoung asked in disbelief, and Jackson gave him a look. “A little ambitious, aren’t we?”

“What do I get if I win?” Jackson grinned, his eyes mischievous.

Jinyoung laughed. “I don’t recall agreeing to a bet.”

“You’re just scared because you know you’ll lose,” Jackson countered.

“Fine,” Jinyoung said, kissing him again. “If you win, you get breakfast in bed for a week.”

Jackson raised his brows. “I’m not going to lie, I was hoping for something to do with my shower, but that’s a pretty good offer.

Jinyoung swatted his arm playfully. “And what do I get if I win?”

Jackson seemed to think for a moment and then said, “That’s not going to be an issue.”

And with that, Jackson hoisted Jinyoung a little further up his waist and started climbing the stairs. Jinyoung continued to kiss him, _perhaps_ with the intention of throwing him off so he’d lose the bet, but Jackson held true. About halfway up, Jinyoung opened his eyes and noticed Jackson was kissing him with wide eyes and a furrowed brow, looking intently at the stairs ahead. The sight was so utterly ridiculous and so completely Jackson, and Jinyoung loved it. He couldn’t stop the cackle that escaped his lips and his head dipped back with the force of it.

When Jinyoung laughed so suddenly, he caught Jackson by surprise, and as Jinyoung threw his head back, his weight shifted and they fell onto the stairs. Jinyoung’s ass smacked one of the steps like he was sitting on it, pain jolting up his spine, and his body shifted backward. He would’ve slammed his head against the step above it if Jackson hadn’t somehow caught it right before the impact.

Then they both exploded into laughter. Jackson held Jinyoung against him and Jinyoung could feel their bodies shaking together with every giggle. He looked up to see a look of pure joy on Jackson’s face and it made his heart swell.

“So,” Jinyoung began as they recovered, “what do I get?”

“When it comes to me, Jinyoungie,” Jackson said with a smile, “you can have anything.”

Jinyoung reached up and pulled Jackson’s lips to his. “I’ll keep that in mind,” he murmured. “But for now, show me our bedroom.”

Jackson helped Jinyoung up and guided him to the master bedroom, a hand on the small of his back. The room was almost exactly the same as Jackson’s old one, except that there was no balcony. Jinyoung might have cared if he hadn’t spotted a second dresser, identical to the first and sitting beside it against the wall. The reality of what Jackson had done for him seeped in a little more. He walked over to it and ran a hand along the smooth wood. Up until now, Jinyoung had seen this as Jackson’s house. After all, it did look almost identical to his place in Korea since he’d brought over all of his furniture and the layout was so similar. But seeing the second dresser, _Jinyoung’s_ dresser, meant for _his_ clothes…it made him realize that this was his house now too.

“This one’s mine,” Jinyoung considered softly.

“It is,” Jackson said.

Jinyoung turned to him and smiled. “I still can’t believe you did all of this.”

“Yeah, I’m such a sucker,” Jackson teased, chuckling lightly.

“I really love it, you know,” Jinyoung insisted earnestly. “I’m sure it’ll take some getting used to, but I think I’m going to like living here.”

Jackson beamed at him, closing the distance between them and rubbing their noses together. “I hope so,” he replied, “I’ve had a taste of life without you and I can safely say I don’t want any of it.”

Jinyoung chuckled. “Me neither.”

They brought their lips together again and Jinyoung felt a swell of affection toward the man before him. Jackson kissed him sweetly, almost chastely, as if Jinyoung was something delicate and fragile. He didn’t mind, it made him feel protected and loved. He kissed Jackson back with the same sentiment, savouring the fullness of their joined lips and their shared breath. After a moment, Jackson guided Jinyoung onto the bed and settled over him, cupping his face in one hand and using the other to wander along his body, as though cherishing the fact that Jinyoung was here, that Jinyoung was his. He kissed him deeper, letting their tongues mingle as they explored each other’s taste. Jinyoung brought his hands to Jackson’s hair, letting the silky strands glide through his fingers and Jackson hummed at the touch. He began to move his hands along the back of Jackson’s head and down his neck, pulling down the silk robe as he moved. He let his fingers feel the warm skin of Jackson’s strong shoulders, every flick of Jinyoung’s fingers coaxing more noises of approval out of him. His muscles rippled underneath Jinyoung’s hands as they caressed his skin and he felt Jackson shiver with each new touch.

When he reached Jackson’s hips, he pulled the robe off completely and tossed it to the side before bringing his hands back to Jackson’s naked torso. Jinyoung relished the feeling of the muscles tensing and relaxing underneath his touch, growing more aroused with every passing second. He ran his hands up the length of Jackson’s back and a quiver shook the man’s body, his back arching in response. The movement shifted Jackson forward and his hips grazed against Jinyoung’s. The growing stiffness Jinyoung felt there gave him a surge of excitement. He brought his hands between them to stroke the hardness in Jackson’s pants and gasped a little when Jackson bit his lip in response. Jinyoung reached beneath the fabric to grasp Jackson’s length, whimpering at how hard and heavy it felt in his hand. He ran a thumb along the head, wet with a small bead of precome, and Jackson let out a rough noise. Eager for more, Jinyoung reached with his other hand to pull Jackson’s pants off further, but Jackson pulled away.

“Nuh uh,” he scolded, “there’s no way I’m letting you take all my clothes off again while you’re still completely dressed.”

Jinyoung chuckled lightly and his hand stilled. “It’s not my fault this time, you were barely wearing anything to begin with!”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Jackson replied, thrusting his hips forward into Jinyoung’s hand again.

Jackson swallowed Jinyoung’s laugh as he forced his tongue back into his mouth. Jinyoung swirled his own tongue around it, savouring the taste, and then resumed his caresses along Jackson’s hardened cock, now wetter with more precome and easing the slide a bit. Jackson tugged at Jinyoung’s blazer and Jinyoung arched his back to help him remove it. He tightened his grip on Jackson’s cock and Jackson responded by basically ripping off Jinyoung’s shirt and roving his hands along the muscles of his now bare abdomen. The heat of Jackson’s hands made Jinyoung moan softly and he released his hold to start undoing his pants. Jackson stopped him, grabbing Jinyoung’s hand and returning it to his cock, clearly wanting him to continue his ministrations.

“Let me,” Jackson insisted as he undid Jinyoung’s pants, pushing them down to his knees. He groped along the hardness contained beneath Jinyoung’s underwear and pressed a thumb against the wet spot at the head. He hummed in approval. He wasted no time in pulling down the fabric and grabbing Jinyoung’s length in his large hand. Jinyoung trembled at the touch and sighed against Jackson’s mouth. He wrapped his arms around Jackson’s neck and his legs around his hips, drawing their bodies closer and rubbing their cocks together as they settled against one another. At the contact, Jinyoung whimpered and he nibbled at Jackson’s mouth in an urgent plea.

“Use your words,” Jackson ordered as he used a hand to press their lengths together again. “What do you want, Jinyoung-ah?”

“I want you,” Jinyoung breathed.

“Mmm, more specific, please,” Jackson said with a hard grope on their joined cocks.

Jinyoung swore. “I want you inside me,” he said breathlessly. “I want you to fuck me.”

Jackson squeezed again, more tenderly this time. “Much better.” Then he moved to flip Jinyoung onto his stomach, but Jinyoung stopped him.

“No, I want to look at you.”

Jackson smirked. “Can’t blame you for that.”

He pulled back and reached over to the bedside table, missing the light-hearted roll of Jinyoung’s eyes. Jinyoung took the opportunity to kick off the rest of his pants and underwear while Jackson grabbed a bottle of lube from the drawer. When Jackson returned, he kissed him once more, in a “and one for good luck” kind of way, before spreading Jinyoung’s legs wide. He poured a generous amount of lube onto his hands and began massaging Jinyoung gently—along his cock first, then his balls, and finally to his warm entrance beneath. Jinyoung let out a gasp at the heat of Jackson’s slick fingers and he spread his legs wider instinctively, tucking his hips to give him a better angle. Jackson slowly slipped in a wet finger and Jinyoung moaned at sensation.

He’d forgotten how amazing Jackson’s fingers were. He’d also forgotten how fucking good Jackson was at this. At everything, really, but Jackson had a special talent for _this_.

With his other hand, Jackson started stroking down the length of Jinyoung’s throbbing erection. He took his time, paying careful attention to both Jinyoung’s cock and his hole, one hand rubbing slowly while the other worked him open gently. Jinyoung felt his breathing increase and his noises grew louder until Jackson inserted a second finger into him, smirking at the way Jinyoung squealed. Jackson’s fingers pushed against him and Jinyoung couldn’t help but think how good his cock would feel instead. He wanted to take Jackson’s entire length inside him, let Jackson stretch him until it was too much, feel Jackson’s come spill inside him.

Jinyoung’s mind was ahead of their bodies, but even the thoughts were enough to get him so aroused that he felt his muscles relax around Jackson’s thick fingers. He pleaded for Jackson to give him more, to fill him with everything he had, and Jackson happily slipped in a third finger. Jinyoung felt his walls stretch and he groaned as Jackson scissored his fingers to open him up even further. Then he curled his fingers against the tender nerves of Jinyoung’s prostate and Jinyoung let out a cry.

“ _Fuck_ , do that again,” he begged.

Never one to deny him, Jackson did it again, brushing his fingers along that sensitive spot and grinning wickedly at the way Jinyoung’s body writhed underneath him. He thrust his fingers harder into Jinyoung and tightened the grip on his cock, moving faster up and down its length.

“More,” Jinyoung pleaded, and Jackson obliged, plunging in his fingers into Jinyoung’s wet heat and pumping his hand along Jinyoung’s hardness. He increased his pace and Jinyoung felt the start of an orgasm swell in his belly, letting out a slurry of noises as it threatened to release.

Noticing he was close, Jackson paused. “Want me to keep going, Jinyoungie?”

Jinyoung shook his head, breathing heavily. “Cock. Now.”

Jackson laughed lightly at Jinyoung’s lacking articulation, seemingly pleased at his ability to reduce Jinyoung to a mess of whimpers and pleas. He released his hold on Jinyoung’s length, then poured some lube onto his own cock and lined up his hips with Jinyoung’s ass. He rubbed the head along the entrance and began pushing in gently. Jinyoung gasped at the sensation and Jackson slowed his movements, clearly intending to work Jinyoung open gradually. But Jinyoung wanted all of Jackson in him _now_ , he didn’t want to wait for Jackson to work him open _gradually_. So he grabbed Jackson’s hips and tugged him forward. Jackson was caught a bit off-guard but let himself be guided further inside without complaint.

“So eager, Jinyoung-ah,” Jackson teased. “You must have missed me so much.”

Jinyoung only moaned as he felt the burn of Jackson’s full width entering him, but the pain was mixed with so much pleasure he found it hard to differentiate the two. He whined and begged for more, squeezing Jackson’s hips again to urge him in further. Jackson bottomed out and Jinyoung let out a noise so pornographic he would’ve laughed if he wasn’t so turned on.

“You’re so fucking hot, holy fuck,” Jackson said above him. His arousal was palpable and Jinyoung felt Jackson make a few aborted thrusts, clearly wanting to start fucking him already but not wanting to rush him. Jinyoung thought about giving him silent permission in another squeeze of his hips, but then realized he could have more fun.

“I thought your fingers were good,” he purred, “but your cock is even better.”

Jackson bit his lip at the words, his face filled with desperation. Jinyoung felt him start to inch out and back in ever so slightly. He was looking down the spot where his cock disappeared into Jinyoung’s ass. Jinyoung smirked.

“Do you like watching my ass swallow you up?” he asked curiously, keeping his voice innocent and naïve. He ran his hands along Jackson’s toned chest. “Does it look as good as it feels?”

If Jackson was surprised by how talkative Jinyoung was being, he didn’t show it. That, or he was too turned on to express anything but ravenous arousal. Jinyoung could feel the movement of Jackson’s length grow a bit more eager with each word he spoke, and he knew the man was almost about to lose his control.

“When you come, Seun-ah, I want you to do it inside me, please?” Jinyoung batted his eyelashes.

He wasn’t sure if it was the sound of the new pet name or the request itself, or everything playing out before him, but Jackson couldn’t hold back any longer. He let out a raspy moan and began thrusting, hard. A wave of that pain-pleasure sensation washed over Jinyoung and he gasped, thrilled that Jackson had done exactly what he’d wanted. Soon Jackson’s movements became faster, more urgent, and Jinyoung let the sounds of his pleasure flow freely. He groaned and whimpered and begged and whined, each noise earning a response from Jackson that only added to Jinyoung’s arousal. Jackson kissed him, bit his ear, licked his clavicle, dug his fingers into his hips and thighs.

Jinyoung felt every inch of Jackson fill him up with every thrust, each one sending tremors through his body. Jackson’s breathing was heavy above him and he stared into Jinyoung’s eyes with insatiable need. Jinyoung held his gaze and moaned even more as Jackson plunged in harder and faster, and soon he felt the surge of an orgasm start again. He pulled Jackson down and groaned into his mouth, letting him taste it. Jackson drove deeper, fucking him through his orgasm and swallowing Jinyoung’s noises with his mouth. Jinyoung felt hot liquid spurt onto his abdomen as he came and he screamed Jackson’s name against his lips. At the sound of Jinyoung coming, Jackson groaned loudly and Jinyoung felt something warm fill him. Jackson thrust a few more times, the movements producing obscene squelching sounds from the added slickness of both come and lube on his cock. Then he pulled out carefully and Jinyoung let out a weak whine of disappointment at the hollow sensation. Jackson chuckled and rolled onto the bed next to him.

“Same time,” he mused. “Not bad for our first go.”

Jinyoung hummed in dazed agreement, resting his head against Jackson’s chest.

They lay there for a few minutes, breathing heavily with satisfaction. Jinyoung knew they needed to clean up but he didn’t want to end this moment, didn’t want to leave the warmth of Jackson’s side, so he ignored the urge to get up and shower.

Almost as if he sensed Jinyoung’s consideration for leaving the bed, Jackson interlaced their fingers and kissed Jinyoung’s shoulder, silently asking him to stay. Jinyoung turned his head and found those dark, wide eyes staring at him with so much affection he thought he would burst. He stared back, still not quite believing that this was real. They stared at each other for an instant before Jackson reached over to grab a tissue and began cleaning the sticky residue off of Jinyoung’s belly.

“Do you ever stop being a gentleman?” Jinyoung remarked.

Jackson shrugged. “No,” he said simply, and flashed Jinyoung a wide smile.

Jinyoung threw his head back with laughter, his whole body shaking. Jackson laughed with him and for a while they let the sounds of their joy fill the room. When they stopped, a peaceful silence washed over them. After a few minutes, Jinyoung spoke.

“You didn’t say it back, you know.”

“What?”

“I said ‘I love you’,” Jinyoung said, “but you didn’t say it back.”

A pensive look crossed Jackson’s face. “No, I distinctly remember you saying that you were _in_ _love_ with me, but you never actually said ‘I love you’.”

“It’s the same thing!” Jinyoung objected.

Jackson shook his head, unconvinced. “Nope, it’s not. And since you’re the one who came here to win me back, I think you should be the one to say it first.” He turned away slightly and crossed his arms, ever the spoiled child. Jinyoung loved seeing this needy, silly side of him, so different from how he was with others. The thought made him happy, he liked that there were parts of Jackson that were only for him.

Jinyoung flipped over to settle himself on top of Jackson, who was still facing the other way. Even as Jinyoung moved his own head to try to meet his gaze, Jackson kept turning his head to avoid looking at him directly. Jinyoung laughed again and grabbed Jackson’s face with both hands, forcing him to look him in the eye.

“I love you, Jinyoung,” Jackson said.

“I thought you wanted me to say it first,” Jinyoung commented, even as his stomach fluttered at Jackson’s words.

Jackson shrugged. “I changed my mind,” he stated simply. Then he looked at Jinyoung expectantly, those puppy eyes making Jinyoung complete and total putty in his arms.

“I love you too, Jackson,” Jinyoung replied, and joined their lips together.

Jinyoung held on a little longer than usual, savouring the moment of their confession, the aftermath of their lovemaking, and the excitement of what the future held for them. After a while, they broke apart and nestled against one another, Jinyoung tucking himself into the crook of Jackson’s arm and Jackson stroking circles along his shoulder. Jinyoung’s eyes began to close in the safety and warmth of Jackson’s embrace and his breathing evened out. As he was about to let sleep take him, he heard Jackson’s voice, quiet but serious.

“Are you sure about this, Jinyoungie?” He could feel Jackson’s heart start to race.

“I’m sure,” Jinyoung responded. He wasn’t even certain what Jackson was referring to exactly, but he knew the answer was yes for all of it.

There was a pause while Jackson thought. “Uprooting your life and moving to another country is a big deal.”

“You did it at sixteen.”

Another pause.

“We’ve only known each other for eight months,” Jackson’s voice said again, this time with some hesitancy and worry.

“It feels like a lot longer.” Jinyoung felt Jackson’s mouth form into a smile at that.

The silence lasted more than a moment this time and Jinyoung thought that might be the end of the conversation, until Jackson spoke again.

“You don’t like change.”

“I already told you I don’t mind it so much anymore,” Jinyoung replied confidently. “What else you got?”

Jackson let loose a breath.

“Are you going to regret this one day?”

Jinyoung turned his head and met Jackson’s gaze. His eyes were so filled with love but there was a fear there that made Jinyoung want to hold him and never let go, to kiss away the insecurities until there were none left. He stroked Jackson’s cheek and he nestled into the touch. Jinyoung tilted his head up and kissed Jackson long and slow, letting his lips say everything that he felt in his heart. When he pulled back, Jackson smiled at him sweetly, the love still there but the fear gone. Jinyoung smiled back and answered.

“Never ever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaaand SCENE.
> 
> so this has been a couple months in the making. i wrote this at the end of November over the course of five days, purely as a piece of self-indulgence that i never intended to share with anyone. but then i realized i kinda liked it? and maybe it was kinda good? so then i took the next month to rewrite it six times (because i'm insane). there were many changes made, but the last three chapters were the most scrutinized. one thing i regrettably removed was a fist fight jackson and jaebeom had after jackson walked in on the kiss. i still miss it, because it was hot, and honestly i probably could have reworked it back in, but by version six i was just so _tired_ and tired bina is very lazy. so that's why i included that line about jackson wishing he'd punched jaebeom in this chapter instead. an ode to version 3, if you will. but there were also lots of things that i added in during those rewrites that i ended up loving--one of them was when mark said he was proud of jinyoung. even though it came from my own brain it almost brought me to tears when i wrote it.
> 
> anyway, looking back and now having started working on new things, i realize this definitely had some problems. but hey, it was my first time, so be gentle. regardless, i hope it brought you some joy in some small way, because i surely enjoyed writing it, all six versions. i also hope it gave you a glasses kink, because i firmly believe that everyone should have one.
> 
> as i may have mentioned, i have two extras for this on the way, one being a little snapshot of a few months later and the other being essentially a totally different universe. so if you liked anything you read here, stay tuned for those! they are finished but need to be polished so i'll have them up in the next week or two.
> 
> thank you to everyone who followed along as i updated and all of your comments, i loved hearing your thoughts! feel free to come say hi to me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/huahuaspassword) if that's your thing. i still don't really understand Twitter so you'll never see me post (unless retweets are posts? like i said i really don't understand Twitter), but i do a decent amount of lurking and i like making friends :)


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